Thursday, June 30, 2005

The Greatest Pick-Up line

Now I'll admit that, being a guy, I don't get accosted by goofy pick-up lines a lot of the time. My personal favorite that I did recieve (from a girl-a fact that shouldn't be overlooked) is "I need a good pick-up line. But I suck." But I'm not here to talk about anything as goofy and retarded as that. What I am here to share is the creepiest most depraved pick-up line I've ever heard that was also directed at me.
A little backstory: In Jacksonville Florida there is (or was, I've been out of town for a while) a club called the Metro. The Metro had a killer Goth night once a week. They let in the younger crowd, which was good because at the time I was 16. Now the Metro was only a Goth night on one night out of the week. What was it every other night? It was a Gay Nightclub. Still a killer place, but a definitively Gay place to be 6 days of the week. The owner of the place was some retired club owner from Las Vegas and his tribute to this fact was the other mini-club in the back..The Rainbow Room (Or was it Club Shadows?). The Rainbow Room/Club Shadows was a "professional Vegas-quality Drag show". If you haven't seen professional drag queens, you haven't lived. Now the Rainbow/Club Shadows was in operation EVERY night of the week, so on Friday nights you'd get a fair population of the Goth Crowd, mixed in with the regulars, mixed in with the professional and amateur drag queens. The whole scene was kind of cool and fitting, if only because of the typical Androgyne/cross-dressing quality that is the Goth Male. Don't believe that statement? Just take a look at Propaganda magazine. It's one of the few "Gothic" publications that still around and unchanged and about 50% of it is implied homo-erotic crossdressing.
Anyway, I'm giving far too much backstory. The short of it: Me, as a 16 year old boy with my blonde page-boy haircut, black lipstick, and black clothing, hanging out at a Goth club where an insatiable lust for cock isn't that uncommon amongst the club's regulars. So I'm sitting at the bar talking with some people, my friends leave and this older man in a suit scoots closer to me. I smile that "he's in my personal space and making me nervous" smile and say Hola. The man leans in and whispers over the NIN playing in the background the most AMAZING pick-up line ever:
"I could buy you breasts and you'd never have to work another day in your life."
I just laughed and moved on...But really think about that. The answer was a complete no, but at the same time you really have to wonder if being someone's sex slave/boy toy whatever would be worth not having to work another day in your life. In some Parallel universe, Jared with Breasts is living that drama. (In this universe I just lucked out finding an older woman who didn't need me to undergo cosmetic surgery for her to pay my bills. Yay for SugarMommy.)
Scarily enough I saw the guy a few years later at the bar, with a very tall blonde "woman" with incredibly large breasts (implants). It's spooky looking at that and realizing it could have been you. Then again, getting Breast Implants in the 10th grade would have made my other two years in High School very VERY different. Gah.
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A pick-up line like that isn't something you forget. It will haunt you forever. Trust me.


Blogger Michael said...

Club Shadows is where the drag shows were. The Rainbow Room was the piano bar.

7:00 PM  

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