You want Fries with that Shake?
Jared brings you the News (which was brought by AOL):
Mickey D's Wants to make workers 'phat'?
Report says McDonald's had asked Tommy Hilfiger, P. Diddy, among others, for a 'uniform' makeover.
"...According to industry publication AdAge.com, the world's largest fast-food company is interested in recruiting fashion moguls Russell Simmons, P. Diddy and Tommy Hilfiger, among others, to transform employees' mundane uniforms into hip street wear....As the world's largest employer of high school and college students, the fashion makeover for the roughly 30,000 McDonald's employees affected could cost up to $80 million, the report said. The idea is to turn employees into walking brand billboards as they circulate among their peers, the report said...."
For the love of all that is holy, McDonalds is trying to get their new uniforms to be designed by a Puff Daddy? Maybe I've been out of the states for too long but I have a serious issue taking anyone calling themselves "P-Diddy" seriously, no matter how much money they have. What's my hip-hop name? J-Hiddy? (Also let it be known that Jennifer Lopez will never be J-Lo. That's just retarded. That would make my name "J-Hi." Gah.) I digress. There are two major issues here:
1. "We want to turn our employees into a walking billboard." :shudder: You know, it's only a matter of time until we can sell our visages to corporations for money or something like that. I'm happy that there's a company that admits that their uniforms suck ass but when they have this kind of mentality, I'm not sure that I'm looking forward to the new uniforms. Speaking of new uniforms....
2. I really can't imagine what kind of uniform Puff Daddy (I really have a lot of trouble typing P-Diddy) would design for the McDonald's (now known as Mc-Diddy's) workers on the go. What the hell am I saying? Of course I know what he'd design:
Are you ready for some hot Mc-Diddy Flygirl action? Somehow I can just picture Ronald McDonald hopping out in baggy pants and a big gold Golden Arch around his neck on a thick gold chain. "My name's R-McDiddy, fools! Do you believe in Magic, bitznach's?"
I'm just seriously wondering how far McDonalds is going to "revamp" (and not urbanize, no never that) their style?
Of course I'm just making fun of urban "bling-bling" D-Piddy (Duff Paddy?) being courted as a designer. I can equally make fun of the Fubu, Tommy Hilfiger, and Abercrombie & Fitch....each of them somehow melt my brain as designing the new uniform...each for their own reasons. I just chose to focus on Puffy D because, quite frankly, making fun of Duffy P is the "kicking a cripple" of comedy. It's too easy somehow.
(For the full news article go here: http://money.cnn.com/2005/07/05/news/fortune500/mcdonalds_uniforms/index.htm )
Special Pointless Rambling Message from Jared:
I'll admit the website's getting to be a little schizophrenic. From weird art to comics to movies to opera to porn....I never really know what to update (or, in the case of the Nightmare fuel section, I don't want to update too much or people will think I'm a sick bastard or something). As a few of you might know, I use AOL. I've had the same account for almost a decade now which is nice. AOL takes care of my spam for me but beyond that: I admit that AOL sucks absolute testicles. This is NEVER clearer as when you log in and AOL gives you the latest "news". Sometimes it's important stuff but usually it's just the super trivial. Even better, when the server has problems logging in, the pictures that are displayed don't synch up to the articles. So while I'm reading the headline "Michael Jackson Goes to Trial", I'm looking at a picture of a grasshopper. Sometimes it's funny though most of the time it's completely retarded.
AOL news is so goofy and trite that I could dedicate an entire section of the site to making fun of it. (Keep an eye out for next week's cartoon which was inspired by the whole "OMG Angelina Jolie adopted a starving Ethiopian" mediafest.) I guess the point is that if I ever updated this site daily, it would have to be in response to current events or something. Or not. Anywhoooooo.
Watch your self and keep an eye out for any Mc-Diddy Flygirls.
Update: You know, it's so obvious that I'm out of touch with American culture these days when I don't realize how much the word "Diddy" has been accepted (or something like that). AOL news had this up today as one of it's "Headlines":
When Americans think about running a record label everyone thinks of P. Diddy? And here I thought he was just another musician with too much money. I AM out of touch.
By the way, I take it saying "Who's Your Diddy?" is all the rage now too?
Update (the very next day...)
I guess Mr. D-Piddy isn't as totally relevant as whoever writes AOL's stupid headlines thought. Oh well.
I still think asking your lover "Who's Your Diddy?" is funny if not obnoxious as hell.