Wednesday, May 07, 2008

She has Teeth, she knows how to use them.

Enjoy the review, guys. I'll give you an update about the hospital stuff on the site later, but for now I'm just happy to have uploaded a bit of art I'm proud of and to have spontaneously written a review of a film a bunch of you asked me just this week to review. (I'll get to more stuff off the list below very soon...Invitation to Hell is next followed by maybe Snakes on a Train. Maybe.)
The spontaneous review is of course Teeth, a film I watched for the first (and last, hopefully) time today. If you read all the way through it, know that I'm actually pretty serious about that bonus bit: I'd love to hear what any girls out there thought of the film because I'm certain it's a completely different experience. Since the film is, after all, a movie about a monster crotch that prevents rape by gnawing on men's junk. I'll refrain from talking about it in too much detail here...check out the article for my ramblings in their entirety.

Click HERE to Read about Teeth if you haven't already.

By the by: Art Crash is coming. I'll be taking requests again soon so if you've got something on your mind that you need to see in ink/paint, be ready to share.
-Jared

Edit: Two things: First off, check out the end of the Grill Skills article. I finally got my interview with Bill. It was telling and implies there is something out there that's WORSE than Grill Skills. Click HERE.

Secondly, I was watching a terrible film (big surprise) that goes by the name of "The Adventures of Pluto Nash." While it's not the worst film out there, it is technically the film that lost the most money: It cost 100 Million and they only made 4. While I don't think it's bad enough for me to review (though any film that makes the Super Mario Brothers movie look good is a special flavor of terrible), I did sort of do a double-take when I saw one thing.
Photobucket
Hilary Clinton: President on the MOON. This film was made back in 2002, so jokes about Mrs. Clinton's presidency have been floating around for a while. Thought a few of you might find that Hilarious. I know I did.
-Jared

----------------
Now playing: Mindless Self Indulgence - VNV Nation "Maelstrom Mix"
via FoxyTunes

22 Comments:

Blogger Arquinsiel said...

How many remixes of MSI did VNV nation do? This intrigues me....

7:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HA, Just got there new CD, Heard they where gonna play in Germany, or already did..

1:57 PM  
Blogger cynsanity said...

Weeeeee! You're back! I hope everything's alright.

And I am so going to get Teeth now. As soon as I got hold of a copy, I'll let you know what my personal opinion as a female member of the species is...
...and I am tempted to bring it to university. We have a stupid gender seminar this semester, I'd be interested in the reactions.

2:04 PM  
Blogger Nikki NotSixx said...

I think I'm too scared to watch it now. Sigh.
Though, is it just me, or does there seem to be a "keeping it pure leads to rape" correllary there?

12:43 AM  
Anonymous Gizmo_the_cat said...

When did Teeth came out? That's all I have to ask.

9:50 PM  
Anonymous Jared said...

Teeth came out last year (Sundance, and a few other festivals) and came out on DVD only fairly recently.


On a note that I should probably put in the article: Teeth is a hell of a lot like the old film "I spit on your Grave." It's this old "exploitation" film that's been super-banned over the years because it has a 24 minute chunk where the heroine is raped by country bumpkins again and again and again. Bottles get shoved in places and mind games get played. Then she ends up taking her revenge on the men....cutting off their wangs and the like. The thing is that Teeth follows the same formula in some regards. It's weird, but there's some trivia for you.

On MSI: I'm a stupid-huge Mindless Self Indulgence fan. When I was in New York I went to a concert and was the oldest person there....at 24 years old. It was...telling.
:sigh:
-jared

10:50 PM  
Blogger Arquinsiel said...

I know the feeling. I was at the one here and wasn't far off the oldest at 23.

6:44 AM  
Blogger Scarecrow said...

I can't wait to buy TEETH. I have a few guy friends that I want to show it to. (Mwuah ha ha!)

I've seen Pluto Nash... That movie is utterly stoopid and terrible.

Eddie Murphy stopped making good movies a LOOOOOOONG time ago. Bah!

9:50 AM  
Anonymous SiklyShweet said...

Jared, great article on Teeth.
I was a little bummed out because I, for a moment, thought the Other-Guy-Who-Was-Nice-To-Her was Patrick Fugit making a screen career out of having horrible damage done to his genitalia. Alas, I was wrong, it wasn't Mr. Fugit...but it would have been funny if it had been. (On a side note, Fugit played a character named Frisbee in a straaaaange movie called Spun. If you haven't seen Spun, go rent it, it's a hoot).
And this was the second movie I'd seen in two days where male members get severed...is it becoming a cinematic fad now? (The first movie was Hostel II).
Anyway, though I'm female, I don't have much of an "opinion" on Teeth. I just sat there in a daze and wondered where all the penis props ended up when filming was completed.
Also thought I'd mention something about the gynecologist scene...the big no-no that warned us something awful was going to happen to the doctor: He was not wearing a rubber glove before shoving his hand in the holiest of holeys.
Anyway, good one to you, Mr. Jared! I'll never tire of reading your movie reviews.

2:00 AM  
Blogger E. Will said...

Love the Iron Man painting! (My boyfriend got that same toy at Burger King and wouldn't stop whining about how it wasn't one of the proper action figure toys... *rolleyes*)

7:56 AM  
Anonymous Korin said...

stumbled across your site accidentally via the... pr0n review bit. the images from that part of your site show up in the oddest google image searches, like you wouldn't believe.
Anyhow, after hours of looking through all the art and reading some of the mindless stuff, making a cartoon my desktop background, and finally falling asleep... I felt it was only right that I inform you I love your style! x]
As for art crash... I'd love to see something involving tigers. Everything from Tigger to Sherkhan (sp?) from the Jungle Book. Or whatever takes your fancy, I'll probably be entertained.
Keep up the good work!

5:18 PM  
Blogger Jace said...

For the art crash, I say pick one of your favorite songs and listen to it over and over again & see what you think of.

Speaking of music, have you ever heard of the Magnetic Fields? They're not really similar to MSI at all haha (I like both, though), but one of their songs, I Don't Want to Get Over You, reminded me of you. don't know why . s.

8:22 PM  
OpenID doomncandy said...

hehe, Do you know Jhonen Vasquez, he sis the art for the new MSI CD, IE love it!!!

12:51 AM  
Blogger & skull. said...

you've really made me want to rent this movie. if only to see what's under the "no" marks. my boyfriend has told me he doesn't wish to watch it with me. that's probably a good idea XD

8:22 AM  
Blogger Samantha said...

Even though I've seen the movie, I read your post on it anyway. I'm a girl and I found Teeth to be hilariously horrifying. I heard it was funny so I downloaded it not really knowing what to expect [yes I knew about her va-jay-jay have teeth but I didn't put two and two together] I laughed and I cringed. I'm not sure if the film was made to be funny [in the ironic sort of way] but to me, it succeeded. I enjoyed the film, but I didn't keep it in my library.

4:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

...that MSI concert

I am listening to the "If" album, song "Pay for It"

hello Jared, I still think of you

- Niko

11:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

'sup? I check my e-mail when I'm at work (and on calls).

I know it is totally related to vaginal dentata.

10:53 AM  
Anonymous Gizmo_the_cat said...

Jared, I feel sorry for you and your family member. Take the week off.

11:51 PM  
Anonymous Eli said...

Teeth...(not for the faint of heart)
Current mood: inquisitive
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities


ok so I found this guys description of a movie called Teeth.....I was thinking to myself "there is absolutely no, no freakin way". But as I type that I know now how truely wrong I was. I didn't truely think that anyone would actually be able to actually make and sell this movie. Thinking it up must have only taken an obscure legend/myth (vagina dentata???)<<<(his article below will explain to all the wtf's going on) I'm sure thats all it took plus a little message from and angry woman about rape and perverts and bad bad older step brothers.....ewwwww. Sorry I went girly for a sec. Any way. Who ever created this movie was twisted, looking for people with odd humor??? Or even just looking for a non believer like me to say there is NO freakin way that can be real to suck them in. I must say this movie actually has a point, Behind all the gore confusion and vagina teeth, That men shouldn't try to hurt women because they might have the unfortune of finding their (junk?!?!) missing??? Now even to me that sounds silly but If the movie was made someone must have thought it had a point.....surely......come on who ok-ed this film to be made??? Anyway after the shock of...This really is a movie. Its crudely humorus if you can broaden your mind to accept it. I admititdly found the subliminal search of Vagina amusing.(seeing as i find that walt disney creators were dirty old men amusing by adding sex related obscurities in the VHS's and on their covers) For those of you who are Non believers Do your reaserch the movie came out LAST YEAR (2007) I still cant believe.....anyway if you still don't believe the internet research here are two links i found for the first and second half of the movie....ENJOY???

Warning I strongly suggest you read the other article before watching the movie...and if your a man with a good imagination or wince when men on TV get kicked in their "Family Jewls" Just Avoid this all together PLZ

Part 1 http://www.fliqz.com/public/aspx/fre...c1ef98e6f5355f

Part 2 http://www.fliqz.com/public/aspx/fre...c4a77d639ac4e5

I left this as a blog for ppl on my myspace your blog following what you just read sorry if its incoherent I haven't been to sleep and its early hope this helps on the woman perspective thing

2:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Really sorry to hear about your familiy's loss.

3:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, no.
I'm really sorry for your loss.

6:04 PM  
Blogger Sarah The Anime Librarian said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm a long time fan of the site, and I just wanted to say I hope you're doing alright.

7:36 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home