Monday, December 10, 2007

The Velvet Vulva: Not Porn Related, I swear.

Well, I'm back. Sorry about the vacation guys...The Halloween Spirit ate my face off and it took me a couple of weeks to regrow a new one. The new face is mostly leather and an organic zipper made up of what used to be my teeth. Sure, kids scream when they see me but on the plus side I'm always ready for an impromptu Halloween party. See? It all worked out well.

As for the comics this week...both are a little more obscure than usual. So, in case you didn't know...all the television writers are on strike. Still. It started on November 5th and, well, 3 days ago negotiations broke down again. This doesn't affect too many of us...unless you like watching television. There's a reason the latest season of Heroes sucked donkey butt. And, if you've seen the comic, know this: I do watch House MD when I can. I like it because dear GOD almost every episode is the same. But I like it, mostly because the whole thing feels like a weird spin-off of John C. McGinley's character on the show Scrubs. And, despite my weirdness, I like that show. I can't help it. I feel ashamed.

....

Speaking of shame, why did I ALSO make a comic about a woman who makes handbags shaped like vaginas?
Answer: Because it had to be done.

Check out the site by clicking HERE.
Oh and remember to pay close attention. There's a "hat" at the very bottom of that page that blows my mind just a little. Mostly because it looks like it's eating someone in the most horrible way.
-jared

13 Comments:

Blogger cynsanity said...

Thank whatever deity is responsible for things like that - he's back!

And the "V"s are... scary. O_o

7:50 AM  
Anonymous Gizmo the Cat? said...

You have too much time on your hands.

4:50 PM  
Blogger Nicole said...

Heh. I've seen the Velvet Vulva before. (I'm the kind of woman people feel the need to email links to crotch purses to, apparently.) My personal favorites are the Big Capacity Bags. It's like, "Wow. I love my vagina purse, but I can't fit all my crap in this tiny snatch. I need something with more capacity." So horrible on so many levels and all of them so very wrong.

Is it severely twisted that the first thought in my head when I saw the hat was "Dear god, why can't I sew? That would be amazing with a pair of gooogly eyes."

7:37 PM  
Anonymous Scarecrow said...

What got me was the g-string...

9:37 AM  
Blogger Scarecrow said...

What got me was the g-string...

9:38 AM  
Anonymous Batface said...

House is king

3:55 PM  
Anonymous Claud said...

Hey Jared, long time reader, first time poster.

Good to know you're back, will be nice to see some new stuff.

I really want the Sleeping Bag...I'd love to be able to sleep in a "V" all the time.

Claud

11:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hola...
No se hablar ingles y por lo mismo escribo en español. En Chile no se ven bolsos o carteras de ese tipo pero hay otras cosas muy interesantes, en conclusion esos bolsos son extraños y feministas, eso me gusta...

5:34 PM  
Blogger Martyn said...

This comment is totally irrelevant to your post, I wanted to say something about your so-called weird porn collection - specifically your little foot fetish comment. A fetish extends far beyond porn and thus is taken more seriously by many people.

First of all, foot fetish makes as much sense as the current global breast fetish. Both are initially non-sexual. Both body parts have
a large amount of accessories made for them. Both look quite
'different' from the rest of the body. Foot fetish can be masochistic where the "slave" contacts the lowest part of the dominant's body with the highest part of his body, thus showing reverence and submission. Or perhaps, much like a breast "fetish" is developed during breastfeeding, a foot fetish can be created in the early childhood during crawling on the floor by the mother's feet - at least that is what Freud thought. Research has been done (according to Wikipedia's article) that some of the pheromones in the foot actually share a very similar chemistry as the ones in the genitals. Also, the foot is one of the most sensual and sensitive body parts. There is a good reason Chinese foot reflexology is so popular - it works. There is an incredible amount of nerve endings in the foot. Now, feet are only as "gross" as their owner allows themselves to be. Just like the genitals, actually. A taken care of, pedicured, scrubbed, well-shaped clean foot is very pleasant to look at - otherwise there would not be foot models. That's why there are all those shoes, nail polishes, anklets and toe rings out there - a huge market - and all the makings for a fetish. Lastly, the same Chinese had a nation-wide fetish of binding the foot. Granted, that might be looked upon as a bit barbaric in our day and age, but that's a society-wide fetish - just like all the one-track minded "mainstream man's" favorite "ass and titties" today. Foot fetish is a lot more harmless than foot binding and anyone who has enough brain not to jump to conclusions could definitely see how someone could be attracted to the foot. Plus, it is becoming more and more popular by the minute - just look at the sheer amount of foot pornography on the web, foot fetish parties all across the US and, well, AOL leaked its records once, which showed the topics people search for... Guess what was the first?

Now, obviously, I am a fetishist (why else would I bother) and
this text is actually pre-written with the purpose of educating
close-minded people (which you may or may not be). I am not encouraging anyone to become a fetishist, but foot fetish is about as "sad" as a breast fetish. It's quite sexy, quite profitable and quite widespread. Therefore - not as weird as you might think!

10:54 PM  
Anonymous Sara (your lil' sis) said...

I was watching "The Soup" (formerly known as Talk Soup) last week and there was a snip from Oprah...the doctor on Oprah had a vagina puppet. ...I believe it was made out of velvet, satin, and such. How comfy...

12:47 PM  
Blogger Nikki NotSixx said...

Tyra and the vagina puppet! It saddens me that there are so many obscenely stupid women out there.
On the other hand, if I wanted a vagina purse, I could just roll my cash into a tampon tube and carry it the old fashioned way.
It's hell to keep the change in, though.

8:47 PM  
Blogger Susan said...

OMG! I'm not sure this lovely V bag will be on my Valentine's Day wish list, but hey! thanks for the link and eye-opening experience! I...I... I'm feeling a little speechless in regards to that whole page I just observed. Thanks Jared. Can always count on you for "culture."
Susan
Apalchin, NY
the pinacle of society

12:03 PM  
Blogger akukoomori said...

so, what's next? penis wallets?

4:00 AM  

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