Thursday, October 08, 2009

Halloween 2009: Oh My.

If you saw the banner this week, you understand this year's Halloween season in a nutshell. Basically I have a LOT of crap coming due this month. Even worse, I can only tell you about it when it comes out, not before...otherwise I don't get paid or worse, according to my contract: Sued. Right now I literally have 4 different big projects floating around, all of which are pretty much due by the the end of the month. What does that mean?
It means I suck, but I'll make up for it. Remember how I failed last year and Halloween seemed to last until Xmas? Well, this time, I'm going to keep it Halloween themed until Christmas. Think I rip off Tim Burton's Style? Fine, I'll roll with crossing Christmas and Halloween; my Kwanzaa pumpkin will rock all your asses the hell right off. (I'm not sure what that means either, but I'm rolling with it.)

In the meantime, feel free to suggest both movies and monsters. After 5 years of doing a different monster every day of October without any repeats, I feel like I'm hitting the bottom of the barrel. Hell, my proposed list right now contains the goofy mutant snakeman from the G.I. Joe movie (from the 80's), so ...yeah. I might need some suggestions. Mini-movie reviews and Monster art should start appearing next week (:crosses fingers) but for those hoping for more articles, here's my stack of things to review (hopefully) by the end of the year:

The Halloween that Almost Wasn't
The Last Halloween (Spacemen need our Candy to return home!)
The Creeps (Dracula the Dwarf Meets Half-Sized Wolfman)
Gargoyles (Because every Gargoyle should ride a horse and read Victorian Erotica)
Night Trap the Movie (A Game so Nice, Sega sold it Twice)
Chud 2: Bud the Chud. (Zombie Poodle, no relation to CHUD)
House of the Dead 2 (I reviewed the original, would you believe the sequel is worse?)
The Entire Pumpkinhead Series (Because how many movies remain)
Friday the 13th, the Remake (Because my list of all of Jason's Kills needs to be updated)
Ice Cream Man (A Clint Howard Vehicle. Jesus, "Clint Howard Vehicle" is a scary enough movie title if you know who he is.)
Evil Bong 2: King Bong (Yes. Very Very Yes)
Link (Chimps with knifes are gonna cut you up.)
Monstrous Humanoids from the Deep (Best. Fishman Movie. Ever.)
The Convent ("If we have Gay sex, they can't sacrifice us because we won't be virgins. O_O )

....That's more movies than I've reviewed in the past year thanks to stupid depression that I do my best to not talk about on the website lest I sound like an emo crybaby who takes too many pills. That said, I'm optimistic and have my old work ethic back. You can't tell, because it's all secret pay work, sadly, but I'm in good shape. :thumbs up:

Oh and by Christmas Time we'll start bleeding into other season gifts. In the meantime, feel free to send me suggestions. I'll get to them, but Halloween officially happens when a fat man comes down the chimney to smash all my pumpkins. Because GOD damn it I won't have my Halloween stolen from me. Not this year.

PS: If you sent me a picture last year and I never got the crappy thing up, I'll be dusting off those sketches and finished them up. I promised to do that and, as God as my witness (Hi God!) I'll keep that promise.

PSS: Thanks again to Dan for suggesting the obvious. Pumpkins and Horror Movies FOREVER.


Blogger Dr Neo Lao said...

Paying work is awesome work!

Second for Chud the Bud, but can't think of any other monsters or movies to suggest.

Although I get the feeling that with the new banner on the front page you're going to get a slew of random friend requests on FB...

3:17 PM  
Blogger Jared said...

Oh Crap, I didn't even think of the potential swarm of Facebook Friend Requests.

I mean I am on facebook and all that but....oh my.

:goes back to watching Night Trap: The Movie:

3:23 PM  
Blogger Mario! said...

Have you seen Zombie Nation? It's pretty terrible, I think it would benefit from your commentary.

7:08 PM  
Blogger Jared said...

Recommendation accepted and as a fairly recent film, easily added to the queue for closer inspection. I just finished watching "Night Trap", the video game that was a movie that's the reason video games have ratings now. Well, one of the reasons. That atari game where General Custard raped an Indian maiden didn't help either.

Edit: Yes, "Native American" and No, he wasn't really named after the desert.

7:27 PM  
Anonymous d3x said...

I'm thinking maybe Brainscan? It may not be the 'scariest' most 'halloweenie' flick out there, but at least the Trickster could make an appearence in the Monster list this year. Meh?

8:34 PM  
Blogger Jared said...

Man, I'm chatting on the blog/facebook/onlinefuntimehappychat tonight.

Oh Brainscan. Hot Trickster action. It really is one of my favorite films. It will get reviewed, but I think it'll have to be part of a Virtual Reality triple feature. Maybe with The Lawnmower Man and Arcade.
I'm going to be relinking to stuff from Halloween's past when I've got the time, but "Brainscan" was #18 on my "31 Movies you need to see this Halloween" thing I threw together last year.
( )

8:55 PM  
Blogger Graham said...

Ah, yes, Custer's Revenge (also known as Westward Ho and The White Man Came, apparently).

As for movies/monsters, I absolutely have to suggest Ankle Biters, the incredibly bad movie about midget vampires. Tagline: "Three feet tall! Two inch fangs!"

11:08 PM  
Blogger Graham said...

Actually, saying it's about midget vampires doesn't do it justice.

How about "dwarf homeboy biker rap-metal redneck vampires"?

Does that convince you to see it yet?

11:10 PM  
Blogger Lord RPGs said...

I've found one "Horror" film that's probably worthy of the list. "Skinwalkers" is about a kid who is wanted by two groups of werewolves - Good ones, who want him to "Cure" them, and bad ones, who... Well, kill things, and want the kid dead for some reason. Standout moment, a gunfight between the two factions (In human form), that starts with an old woman drawing two revolvers out of her handbag. Hopefully that give's you something for the list.

2:01 AM  
Anonymous Bunneh said...

Suggestion for the Halloween bonanza: a Troma movie marathon!!! :D

Also, about the Facebook page.. you should really set up a fan page for yourself on FB if you want to keep your "real" profile for close personal friends and such. Is eazy peazy and you can post silly gibberish on two pages!

1:44 PM  
Anonymous Kim said...

Monster suggestions:
- Swan from Phantom of the Paradise (I think I mentioned this last year when I e-mailed you a pic of my Phantom of the Pumpkin), he is a pretty kidass bad guy, you could do his face all melty - you could always do Beef or something too, they're kinda bad for stealing the songs, maybe you should just do a whole series of pictures from the movie, that would be sweet

- Scorpius, from Farscape (don't know if you've seen the show but sci-fi + puppets = AWESOME), he's great cause he's really creepy looking

- The giant walrus from Pingu... okay, that one is really specific but if you ever saw that show as a kid it still haunts your dreams

5:25 PM  
Blogger Quacthulhu said...

Oh god, "Zombie Nation" was just AWFUL...

"The People Under the Stairs" is much more worth your time...

11:37 PM  
Blogger colicub said...

When you mention "Ice Cream Man", I have to recommend Mack Hail's "Mr Ice Cream Man". Well, maybe recommend is the wrong word....

There's also the Hobgoblins films, The Stuff, the Demons series...

Oh, and my personal recommendation? PARENTS. No-one remembers this film, and it's such a shame.

Oh crap, almost forgot to mention The Monster Club, Ghost In The Machine and (not a horror, but totally fricking awesome) Playing Dangerous!

I'll stop now.

7:55 PM  

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