Tuesday, November 29, 2005

The Tale of Fat Eddy

Even though I can't update the Blog as often as I want to, I'd feel totally guilty just updating it with a piggy bank asking for your money. As such I will tell you a story...a tale even. I will tell you all I know of "Fat Eddy."
Most of us, at some point in our lives, have had roommates. I had my experience with the bane that is a roommate when I left home for the first time and lived in a college dormitory. I think we all have repulsive horrible stories to tell. So while you try to remember that terrible thing that you buried in the far recesses of your brain, please enjoy for a brief moment the magic and mystery that is: Fat Eddy.
Eddy wanted to be a sports newscaster. That's not so bad. What's terrible is the fact that 70% of the time he was in the flat he was watching ESPN and yelling at the shows. It wasn't to "enjoy" them, it was to "get a feel" for commenting on sports. If you think about this for a moment, you might understand exactly how obnoxious this could get after, say, a day. What's worse is the fact that he'd tape the games and rewatch them to "sharpen" his comments. Maybe I just don't get sports, but man did it bug me. Of course none of that is REALLY annoying. It's petty. You may have noticed that Eddy would watch sports for 70% of the time he was in the flat. What would Eddy do for the other 30%?
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Walking into your room to find your obese roommate masturbating by having "rough sex" with his pillow is enough to make any man's eyeballs explode in rebellion. Part of me died a little each time I stumbled upon his "pillowlust." It might explain why I started finding other places to sleep. There's no fear quite like the fear of going home to something terrible.
It does make me wonder what he's doing right now. Hopefully, with a little luck, he's settled down and had kids with a nice throw pillow.
(You have no idea how hard it was to NOT throw a "pillow talk" pun in there. Damn you Eddy. It's been 8 years and I still feel sorry for that damn pillow.)


Blogger Collin said...

Hopefully, and I'm not just saying this to ook you out even more, but hopefully he never made a move on your pillow while you were away.

8:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's hilarious! Geesh... now they have pillows shaped like ANIMALS. Isn't that a scary thought?

9:32 PM  

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