Thursday, January 17, 2008

Random Update: Nudity and Crotch-Mounted Broadswords

Two Random bits I feel best left for the Blog:

First off, I totally forgot to tell you about how to buy a painting of me in the nude. Seriously, Moovok, this groovy guy who has gotten me to paint some weird stuff from time to time, got a bunch of webcomic folks together and convinced/tricked/seduced them into painting themselves naked. My picture also includes Santa Klaus. While he's not naked, that still counts for something. Check it out here, if you're curious and like me buy calendars way too late:
Tastefully Done, 2008 Calendar!

Secondly, I haven't forgotten about Miniature Mayhem. I still own the URL but haven't been organized enough to upload the game or anything. I'm back at it, which also means I keep track of other miniature games out there. D&D just released their 4th edition miniature rules and, while I know only two of you out there care, I noticed something....bizarre about the manual. Apparently the premiere "normal" piece of the miniature game likes to....well, let's see if you can figure out what's wrong with this picture:
If you said "Holy crap he straps his sword to his genitalia" you are correct. While I know that sword = penis symbolism is a major part of the fantasy genre, I sort of assumed that Wizards of the Coast would at least not make it so freaking OBVIOUS. Also note how it takes him too hands to grip the handle of his mighty sword. Not a euphemism, but sweet GOD it should be. Seriously, at what point in history did we holster our swords in our groin. How the hell does he walk....ok I'm done. It hurts too much to continue.

Edit: The Black Sheep Review is finally up! I'm still not happy with it as the final product didn't end up being as funny as I thought it would be, but the fact that apparently a LOT of people wanted to see this movie on the site means, well, I have a duty to perform. Enjoy.
Click here for Sheeple.


Blogger Adam Holwerda said...

Not to mention the giant freaking vein running down the blade...

8:34 AM  
Blogger Jared said...

Sweet Jesus, you're right.


9:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've heard (ie. read his posts on a nerdily specific DnD website) that creator Ed Greenwood has some very interesting views on human sexuality. Views mostly from the '70's.

Maybe the the implied scabbard is representative of a condom? Which is responsible and stuff... I guess. Maybe.

10:42 PM  
Blogger Arquinsiel said...

Erm... it's just a leather pad on the Ricasso of the blade allowing for more ease of use. Pretty standard on greatswords really.

9:04 AM  
Blogger Jared said...

As standard as that might be, no one I've shown this to, including some folks who make their own chainmail and belong to that geeky group of which I dare not speak it name, know what you're talking about. Even if you're right (and I think you most likely are) it's kind of like an "excuse" to have a groin mounted weapon. The posture/expression says it all, really.

WoTC: "Phallic? Crotch Sword? What are you talking about? That's obviously a standard leather strap attached to the Ricasso and no way lined up perfectly with his groin! Shame on you for even thinking that . Now excuse us while we go design some more chainmail bikinis for elves to wear."

10:39 AM  
Blogger Jared said...

Oh man, that first bit looks snooty. All I meant to say was that very few people think that Ricasso is a common word, let alone are familiar with the accessories associated with it.

11:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

nudity and crotch now thats what im talking about

12:29 PM  
Blogger Arquinsiel said...

No worries, I'm just beyond nerdy when it comes to swords. My parents should never have bought me that first one.

1:05 PM  

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