Thursday, June 18, 2009

Forgotten Project #118: DC Alphabet of Shame

Remember my old Marvel Alphabet of Shame?
A Long time ago I gave up on a sequel to it because I just couldn't get the research right. Hell, even the folks over at Superdickery failed to solve my problem back in the day. I was just cleaning out my work closet (don't ask) and found what was supposed to be the next alphabet. So here's the deal: If you know any geeky comic book characters, preferably DC comics but I'm going to cheat if the character is just a bit too goofy, then by all means speak up and help me out. As a reward here's what I have so far:

UPDATE: You GUYS ROCK! Check these out if you see any Non-DC Characters (besides Psylocke) or if you have a better suggestion, let me know. That said thanks again and you guys are freaking fast.

A is for Arms Fall Off Lad
B is for Brother Power (Or Black Racer now that I know who he is)
C is for C'est Hay
E is for Egg Fu
F is for Fuzzy the Mouse (Superboy's pet)
G is for Gay Ghost...
H is for Hemo-Goblin, the AIDS Vampire! (Good job guys I knew that wasn't made up)
I is for Infectious Lass
J is for Jimmy Olsen (naturally)
K is for Kitten (From Superfriends, though Kiteman was tempting as is Krypto)
L is for Lady Cop or The Listener
M is for Miss Manface (I know Matter Eater Lad was a shoe-in but if you haven't watched the Bold and the Brave Batman cartoon you don't know the glory of Miss Manface)
N is for Nowhere Man (Holy crap NOOOOOOOO)
O is for Orca (OH mY GOD Sea World has breasts!)
P is for Polka Dot Man
Q is for Qwsp but Q things are hard to come by though Crazy Quilt might do if I cheat.
R is for Rainbow Raider
S is for Sportsmaster
T is for Ten Eyed Man
U is for Uncle Sam
V is for The Ventriloquist (How did I forget this guy!)
W is of Whizzy the Mouse
X is for X-Bomb Betty
Y is for YANKEE POODLE (Thanks guys this one's amaaaaazing)
Z is for Zan and Jayna...wondertwins are a great way to finish this.

So yeah. No clue if I can happily fill in the blanks but for the joy of it I thought I'd share and see if anyone out there wanted to help out. And hell, I reached my "I give up" point a long time ago, hence why this list has been collecting dust for as long as it has.
"taking a break"

Edit: Holy Crap. When someone introduced me to Yankee Poodle, I thought it was a joke character. Here team the Zoo Crew struck me as a little kid's thing. And...yet....
While some folks are calling Grant Morrison's Final Crisis something mighty to behold, all I can say is that the freaking Zoo Crew show up in the final issue. For the big finale of this Batman-killing epic crossover we have THIS only 1 page before the big boss death that ends every big comicbook crossover.
That's Peter Porkchop/"Pig Iron, Captain Carrot and Yankee freaking POODLE right there. Right there next to Superman and the Green Lantern Corps. Sweet Mother of God Why.

Thanks for the introduction guys and, well, I forgot who told me to check out Final Crisis for a healthy dose of awesome but so far between this and the Black Racer...I'm very, very afraid.

Keep them coming've thrown some spectacular unknowns at me.

And we're done, unless someone suggests some better ones before I actually do this (which will be soon considering). Right now it's just a debate:
Brother Power or Black Racer
Lady Cop or The Listener (and his suit of ears)
Qwsp or Crazy Quilt?
Really difficult calls there.

And again, you guys rock.
Particularly you, Graham.
(You psycho)


Blogger Shannon said...

If you're not sure about "C" still, there's always Captain Carrot...which, of course, opens up Yankee Poodle for "Y".

10:16 AM  
Blogger Graham said...

FYI: Psylocke is Marvel

I'll see what I can find.

11:06 AM  
Blogger Jared said...

While I know Psylocke is Marvel comics (She's a freaking X-woman), the stupidity of a character magically being turned into a Japanese Ninja is hilarious. That's almost as bad as that Superman comic where Lois Lane went Black to go undercover in the inner city. Only in the case of Psylocke it was to learn martial arts. And get breast implants.

Hell, maybe I should just leave that off the alphabet and rant about that separately. That crap was amazing.

11:27 AM  
Anonymous said...

How about Egg Fu? He's a gigantic freakin sentient egg for Christ's sake! And there's no better DC character for C than Crazy Quilt. And the Ventriloquist (With Scarface) might qualify for V.

12:41 PM  
Blogger Graham said...

C is for the Cancelled Comics Cavalcade, a smorgasbord of awful

E is for Egg Fu

G is for Gonzo the Mechanical Bastard

H is for Hoppy the Marvel Bunny (yes, it's a DC property)

K could also easily be for Krypto

or KGBeast

or Klarion the Witch Boy

L is for Lady Cop, because apparently that's a superpower

or Little Cheese

or Lord Manga (and his robot assistant L-Ron)

or Doctor Light

...alright, I'll continue...

For N, may I suggest Neptune Perkins? If only because he travels in a flying Space Lightbulb.

O is for Onomatopoeia

or Orca

I can't let P go by without suggesting Doctor Phosphorus

Qwsp is great, but there's also Quakemaster, an architect with no powers who destroys things with a super-jackhammer

For R, there's apparently an entire group called the Rainbow Raiders, as well.

U is for Ubu. Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog.

V is for Ventriloquist, whose dummy does the dirty work

X is for X-Bomb Betty, whose superpower only functions once

(There are some other great ones there, including Barber Boy, Accordian King, and Plaid Lad, who can change any fabric to plaid.)

Y is for Yankee Poodle

Z is for Zan and Jayna. Form of: shitty superheroes!

or Zeep the Living Sponge

(Also available, but hard to find pictures of:
- Zap-Panda
- Zoot Sputnik (star of a comic within the DC comics universe, making him a meta-character of sorts))

Really, DC has some of the stupider characters around.

12:52 PM  
Blogger Graham said...

I should also note for P:

Pig Iron

Also, I believe Yankee Poodle was a supervillain for a time.

Hell, the entirety of Earth-C (their world) might be worth an article to mock.

1:01 PM  
Anonymous Form said...

I will WEEP if you choose Black Racer over Brother Power, nnnghhhngh.

Otherwise, yeah. I'm of no real help here.

2:43 PM  
Blogger Graham said...

Oh, and since I apparently missed "I"

I is for Iron Butterfly

or Mister Incognito, the supervillain form of the paparazzi

or Infectious Lass, spreader of debilitating diseases

If I could find a resource for it, I'd send you to "Doctor I. M. Smart"

3:11 PM  
Blogger Graham said...

You're welcome. :-)

Also, to answer a couple new questions you raised:

Yes, Gay Ghost is DC

I can't find even a single reference to Hemoglobin on the internet.

See you at Gencon!

3:35 PM  
Blogger Graham said...

And finally, all of the ones I gave you are DC, and I believe all of the options you have are DC except for:

- Psylocke

- Nightman, though you already knew that

(There's actually a Night Man from Malibu comics, now owned by Marvel) (Night Girl (superheroine who is only effective in darkness, which is amusing on its own) is DC, however)

Everything else is good.

5:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You misspelled "Hemogoblin," the Aids Vampire. You, sir, need to watch more Linkara.

He's referenced here:

This may be a head-shot of him here, but I didn't actually read the comic, so I'm not sure:

12:28 AM  
Blogger Graham said...

Oh good lord! He actually exists!

And he's DC!

And he would have fought against Extrano (and the New Guardians, which apparently has an Inuit member with the power of Heart!)

Good job Nathan!

1:13 AM  
Blogger Graham said...

Also, apparently a whole bunch of the New Guardians are HIV-positivge, including dear old Extrano.

On one mission in particular, he was attacked by an "AIDS vampire" called the Hemo-Goblin. He was subsequently confirmed to be HIV-positive but it's unclear whether he was infected by Hemo-Goblin or had already been infected prior to his introduction.

This was apparently a plot point! WTF?

Also! Picture!


1:19 AM  
Blogger Jared said...

Oh man. You guys rock.

Hemo-Goblin may be my new favorite.

And damn it I may have to check out the Linkara Stuff. It's funny he's mentioned on Spoony all the time and he's never linked to. It's just assumed I know who he his which is pretty wonky....No matter how web-savvy you are there's no way to catch everything. Watching the Spoony Crossover videos are, admittedly, particularly surreal.

4:17 AM  
Anonymous Bunneh said...

Linkara's own page/blog:

.. though if you're looking for silly superpowers you might have better luck on the Stupor Powers gallery on Superdickery:

7:14 AM  
Blogger Graham said...

Lessee... for N I still like Neptune Perkins and his space lightbulb. (Apparently, his powers include having to immerse himself in sea water regularly due to... sodium deficiency... and not actually being able to breathe underwater, making him a worse superhero than even Aquaman.)

But we also have:

Powers: Nukeface's body was highly radioactive, and his touch irradiated organic matter. Nukeface was brain-damaged and physically debilitated, both effects of radiation poisoning. He was addicted to drinking nuclear waste, and always carried some in beer cans.

or Number Seven, if only because he might be fun to draw.

or Nowhere Man, apparently a distant relative of Arm Fall Off Boy (not Lad, apparently)
Powers: Nowhere Man's body and mind are molecularly displaced, and when he's not concentrating both his thoughts and his anatomy start wandering in myriad directions.

or perhaps best of all, Notional Man
Powers: Notional Man can turn himself invisible and possesses forceps that cause immense pain and drain the lifeforce of anyone they touch. Notional Man is an exceptional tracker, mostly owing to his supernatural sense of smell. Notional Man can smell memories, color and thoughts.

Death forceps, and can smell thoughts! And did you see that outfit? Wow!

3:04 PM  
Blogger Graham said...

Did I mention Nowhere Man is also apparently a porn star?

Seriously, wtf?

3:06 PM  
Blogger Graham said...

As is Notional man, as they're apparently from the same team.


I now have a picture in my mind of a combined Nowhere/Notional painting, and it is very disturbing.

The things I subject myself to for you, Jared!

3:08 PM  
Blogger Graham said...

And just because I found it, as a suggestion for C:

C is for C'est Hay
Powers: Hay’s body is entirely composed of hay. He can separate various parts of his body, such as feet, hands, etc. and use them as projectile weapons. His body is flame-retardant, but prone to getting soggy in the rain.

3:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's funny, because I actually discovered Linkara thanks to your site. Your site had a link to Spoony, which in turn had a link to, which is what I now use to keep track of everybody that matters (Nostalgia Critic/Chick, Team Four Star, Cinemassacre, AVGN, Linkara, etc.).

If you haven't already, you should bookmark that site; it's a good central place to go to see when new videos are made by your favorite personalities. :-)

6:29 PM  
Anonymous Ryan said...

hey jared when you reord that thing with the jerks in the backrow can you post it on the articles section so in say 2 years some poor shmo who stumbled on here will find it

6:38 PM  

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