My Lovely Lady Lumps

Dear Lord, I should have started reading my love's online diary a lot sooner. Take a look at why:

"Jared and I are wired differently when it comes to being late. Me? I freak out and rush like a madwoman. Him? He goes at his own pace, even stops to talk a bit... it drives me crazy! It's one of those things in our marriage that I've accepted I'll never understand or accept. So, I gave up and went back to bed. (Wednesday is my sleep-in day.) Then, I proceeded to have anxiety dreams about trying to get Jared out the door for work, including all kinds of crazy outfits that I threw at him (think pink and green sweater, and a big puffy coat), then him accidentally getting his pants wet, and I made him leave the house anyway, but then I caught him changing his pants on the outside stairwell. Then, there was the mad dream dash to find him a taxi, since he was too late for public transportation. I was in a strange city, indeed, with all variety of slow taxis (horse-drawn, electrical, etc), but I needed a FAST taxi! Sheesh...

And that, my friends, was the tamest of my dreams. By far. Like, bees were helping aliens take over the planet, while I was stuck in a paddle boat with no paddles, and the only one who could save us was the starving siamese twin still attached to her dead sister in the basement. With an uzi."

When you therapist says "Holy Crap, you're messed up", it's implied you're in a relationship with me apparently. Gah.
-jared