I am Alive!

Holy Crap. My vacation/business trip of DOOM finally ends in 72 hours. I've survived deadly flooding in New York, spending multiple nights with my sick (and delirious) grandmother in the hospital, and now I've survived an entire week on a cruise ship. The word "survived" works here mostly because it was a Disney cruise ship. Can you imagine being trapped on a boat with a small army of children all around you while Disney music plays non-stop for days and days and days? If you can, you're probably a parent. I'm not of that elite and noble class of martyrs, so forgive my humble complaints.

But I'm joking. Mostly. I met strange people...which means I drank silly things with umbrellas in them while dressed like a pirate. This time I'm not joking. Me. An eyepatch. Far too much mascara. Lots of black. Sound pretty tropical right? I met men who told me how to kill with one finger, a guy who makes a living filming pornography, a janitor who likes to beat up the other janitors when no one's looking, an underage girl who traded me cloves for drinks, and, well, lots of folks. My plane lands in Berlin Saturday morning. This gives me enough time to catch up on EVERYTHING (I've got business deals to make, tarot cards to finally get printed, lots of stuff to paint, and paintings to mail to happy people who want to give me money). One of those things is an illustration of my entire crazy-ass vacation...something I look forward to getting out there since nothing screams lame quite like a "What I did on my Summer Vacation" article.

I will give you a sneak peek from one aspect of my recent trip:

Say hello to Big Black Dick.

He's a historical figure of Grand Cayman...and he also is known for being lucky in the genital department. Expect to hear the entire history of Big Black Dick (damn, it's fun to type that and it be completely (mostly) innocent...) soon.

Oh and you have no idea how hard it was to NOT title this post: "Big Black Dick is Awesome". No idea.

-jared

Edit:

Almost forgot: If I was supposed to mail/paint you something but couldn't due to the vacation of DOOM, please let give me a quick word at jared@headinjurytheater.com. I'm a scatterbrain and I know it.

One last thing:

I might actually be coming to live and stay in The States sooner rather than later. I had a great visit...and, to be honest, I miss being in a country that speaks my language. To everyone who made my visit particularly surreal and pleasant: Thank you. I'll keep you informed on when I come back to roost on a more permanent basis in the potentially (and dangerously so) near future.