Tangent #34
Dear Lord, why the hell are stupid nicknames for celebrities becoming so popular? In particular, AOL manifests my disdain thusly:
Dear Lord. The super-retarded J-Lo and P-diddy trend is blooming across the board. I may have to start signing everything as J-Hi for real if this crap keeps up. On a slightly related note, I'm so glad they've stopped referring to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie as "Brangelina." :sigh:
On a totally different note, we were talking about the Zodiac over here and it turns out I'm the only one who ate at enough Chinese Restaurants to recall how the thing works for me. Every explanation of the Chinese Zodiac is a little different (As in some versions I'm a Sheep rather than a Goat) so we did a quick googling and discovered:
At first glance it's just a normal Zodiac calendar. Upon closer inspection, it tells people that they'd be good at some bizarre if not extremely shitty jobs....it's all sort of surreal. Included on the list are career recommendations for: Secret Agent, Beachcomber, hairdresser, matador, etc. Even better is the occassional grammar slip:
I don't know if that first sentence is a subtle joke telling those "Monkey-born"that they're dumb as all hell, but it did make me laugh.
- J-Hi
posted by Jared at 6:19 AM
4 Comments:
"Being cautious and conservative, you are successful in business but would also make a good lawyer, diplomat, or actor."
...I hate power suits, I'm too sadistic to be a diplomat, and I have stage fright... The books on the Zodiac are a lor more accurate, aren't they!
I love you website, by the way... I thought I was the only one...um...TOLERABLE enough to sit through Terror Toonz more than once.
-Scarecrow
Hey now! I'm a monkey! Don't you start monkey bashing or I might be forced to fling some poo or openly masturbate. Or something.
How about "J-Von-Hindy"? Then it could be shortened to "J-Von" which would probably work well for you in the fashion industry. "Next on the runway we have J-Von's latest creation 'Zodiac in Black'!" *applause, etc.*
I think it has flair. Style. Panache.
That's actually kind of true...
You could always go by Ja-RED... You know...if you decide to become a rapper...
The funny thing is that in junior high, I actually signed things as j.von...at least for a little while.
I'm still short of ashamed at the pretention of it. Which is funny, considering.
Oh and Scarecrow: Dear God, Terror Toons is so awful it's awesome.
-jared
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