Sunday, April 05, 2009

Star Trek: The Next Generation Authorized Novel #24

I found this on an old bookshelf in Catalonia last October.
Before she was writing magic date rapist vampire/erotic furry wereslut Anita Blake books (I paraphrase, slightly), Mrs. Hamilton wrote a Star Trek Novel? And it's all about Worf and the psychic psychiatrist Troi?

I've literally been afraid to open it. Not that I really think I'll find a character gently nibbling on a Klingon's brow ridges, but...well....yeah. That's exactly what will keep springing to mind.
Just wanted to share this little treasure I found while moving.

Friday, April 03, 2009

Death Race: Where the Sidewalk Ends.

The topic of "not updating" aside (drama combined with moving to a new flat this weekend), I just heard the worst line from any movie, ever. Well, not really but dear GOD.

Have any of you watched the remake of Death Race 2000, casually titled "Death Race"? If you have, perhaps your brain was already shut off when this little tidbit floated by. I apologize if the language offends, but considering what words you can say on primetime television these days, I only censored the one that "officially" isn't family-friendly.
But let's set the mood for those who didn't watch the movie.

You're the Warden of a maximum security prison/death arena/NASCAR/Reality TV show and one of your racers/prisoners/stars just blew a hole in the perimeter fence and is fleeing your gladiator-esque pit of doom. Foreseeing this possibility, you reach for the remote detonator, the one attached to the bomb you already hid in the hero's car. Clutching it tight in your matronly claws, the camera zooms in, hanging on your every word. It's catch-phrase time. Let's make it count.

Wait.....why would I....does the winner get am I supposed to....HOLY sweet jesus, that's a terrible "I'm the villain of this movie" line. Possibly the worst I've ever heard. it an "IN" joke for NASCAR fans? Do they often celebrate by defecation or something? (Please say no.) Are you referencing the fact that people void their bowels when they die, so you are, by the transitive property, implying that I'll be dead (and crapping my pants on the sidewalk)? The hell! I would be hard pressed to come up with a more nonsensical catch phrase.

Even worse, if you sit through the credits they repeat this line....letting us know that someone out there was proud of it. Or hell, maybe that's the best line this movie had to offer. I...I don't know. All I do know is that I'll be watching where I step when I use the sidewalk.
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