GenCon's a'comin', Jerks, and Sleepaway Sexual Repression

So, 3 things and I'll keep it quick since I'm in crazy busy mode. (Currently on my worktable: Drunken D&D Art, GenCon requests, an illustration for an elementary school library, a Canvas full of Kobolds, MORE D&D-type art, and, well, other stuff that can't be summarized. All to be done by next week.)

Issue #1: GenCon & my vacation.
Starting the week of August 12th, I'm going to be away from my studio/home in Berlin until September 5th or so. I'll be uploading things to the Blog since it'll be difficult (but not impossible) for me to update to the website, at least for the first few weeks of wanderlust. From previous experience I know that if I don't keep up the art while I'm on vacation I have trouble getting back into the routine when I return, so expect some weird stuff doodled on hotel napkins, backs of character sheets, and, well, people's body parts.
(Totally Reminded of a particular bit of fanfare:)

So....yeah.

I'll be posting an illustrated Guide to how to stalk me while I'm on vacation, since I'll be trying to meet up with a HELL of a lot of people. The short version (and email me if we're supposed to meet and I've somehow forgotten you):
August 11-17th: I'm in Indy meeting Geek Folk, selling paintings under the table, and doing something with some Jerks (See Topic of Interest #2)
August 17th - 24th: I'll be in Update New York (Mostly), the Binghamton Tri-Cities area in particular. Meeting folks and frolicing with old friends.
August 25th - September 5th: I'll be in Jacksonville Florida meeting family (my sister keeps creating spawn) and attempting to bribe some judges for a certain art contest.

Issue #2: Jerks in the Backrow.

If you haven't seen the new button on the Links page, check it out. Or just click HERE to see the Jerks. Cool guys and I'll be hanging with them one evening in Indy doing exactly what I'm not completely sure yet but I do know ONE thing we'll be doing.
I got invited to make fun of The Dark Crystal. Blasphemy and Terrible things are almost guaranteed to ensue.

Issue #3: Sleepaway Camp. Finally.
Click HERE, damn you.

Issue #Bonus:

Thanks to everyone who voted in the RYZ "Dungeons and Dragons" shoe contest. We won't find out who won until this Monday, but making the final round was more than groovy as was the sheer volume of folks who asked me to make these even if I don't win. As cool as that sounds, I've no idea how to go about that. But:
Thanks again. You guys are awesome and reminding me I really need to get off my ass and find a better shop to put designs on. Again: You Rock.

And, that, is it for today.
-Jared

Horror or Porn: You Decide.

It's been YEARS since I sat down and made fun of pornography properly ...yet just today I got another email of "You have to totally see this terrible, terrible movie." I won't tell you guys much about it, but I will share the poster for it.
Porno or Horror film?

Dear God, looking at it....it could be a prequel to TEETH. And that's not a good thing.

Just wanted to share the pain.
-Jared
"who gets more emails concerning ye olde pornographic nightmare fuel than he cares to admit"

PS: If you're having sex and it makes the "BOING" noise, you're doing something very wrong. Or fooling around with a clown which is, if you'll remember, very VERY wrong.

Goblin Stompers....Today!

Did you know voting for the Dungeons & Dragons Contest started today? You didn't? Did you want some Goblin Stompers?

Fine. You don't have to vote for me but at least vote. It's an awesome contest and I have a sneaking suspicion the contest didn't get as much action and attention as Wizards was hoping/expecting it to. But hey, voting! Go, now!
Click HERE!
-Jared

Oh and to everyone who thinks I should forget the contest and just print up my own shoes: You're crazy. The one thing I'm the worst at (besides painting a straight line) is research on how to make money with my Art. It's a good idea but man, I suck. Right now I've been stumped the past few days just on how to get Business Cards made up.

Edit: By the way, it's become clear that a lot of people don't get what RYZ is. Hell, I entered the contest before even reading up on it. Check out their Launch Video on Youtube. It kind of explains the whole gimmick and, well, sort of makes you feel warm and fuzzy for being part of it. The shoes are pretty darn expensive by my standards but, well, I'm a ghetto artist who just goofs around with paints. What do I know? Check them out all the same:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56TKzUoU1GY

Goblin Stompers

I can't talk about what I'm working on these days due to a hefty Non-Disclosure Agreement (which oddly enough isn't bothered with me disclosing the fact that such Non-Disclosure exists) but I can throw a random side project/contest thing your way. If you play Dungeons & Dragons, then you might know about a Magic Shoe known as Goblin Stompers. They totally suck as far as magical Items go, but when this Dungeons & Dragons "Design your Own Shoe" contest showed up, they were the first things that came to mind.

Check out the link to look through the "virtual" shoe's design. I'm particularly proud of the inside and bottom of the shoe. Not thrilled with the actual art here, but man, having crushed goblins on the bottom of your feet can't help but bring a smile to my face. Yeah, I'm a dork.

Click HERE to see the Goblin Stompers.

Oh and there's voting starting July 15th. I won't tell you to vote for my shoes but I do at least encourage you to vote. There's some fun designs there and hell, I'd actually wear a few of those.
(Because, as previously established, I'm a big dork.)
-Jared

PS: Super Secret Project has me distracted so the Sleepaway Camp article and the "Man, I really should get around to reviewing all those Michael Jackson films" article I was hoping to do will be, as usual, a little off schedule. Trust me, when it all goes public next month or so you'll forgive me for being a corporate whore. Maybe.