That Guest Comic Voodoo that I do...

Infernal Chicken, anyone?

If you know the website www.goats.com, then you should check it out this Thursday. I did a painting/guest comic-like thing for the man behind the satanic fowl and turns out he liked it enough to give it a slot in his guest-week. If you like it yourself, return to the site of Goats (www.goats.com, remember?) later in the week....Jon'll be putting up a poll for his readers to determine which of his nutty guest-artists get the mighty prize: A satanic chicken action figure.
Not that I'm trying to get you to vote for me. I'm just saying that there will be voting going on. Of some caliber. You know. For kicks. And a plastic demon chicken.
-jared

Edit: Holy Crap, someone else made a guest comic about giving oral sex to a cow. No really.

http://www.goats.com/archive/060726.html

:shudder:

I am Alive!

Holy Crap. My vacation/business trip of DOOM finally ends in 72 hours. I've survived deadly flooding in New York, spending multiple nights with my sick (and delirious) grandmother in the hospital, and now I've survived an entire week on a cruise ship. The word "survived" works here mostly because it was a Disney cruise ship. Can you imagine being trapped on a boat with a small army of children all around you while Disney music plays non-stop for days and days and days? If you can, you're probably a parent. I'm not of that elite and noble class of martyrs, so forgive my humble complaints.

But I'm joking. Mostly. I met strange people...which means I drank silly things with umbrellas in them while dressed like a pirate. This time I'm not joking. Me. An eyepatch. Far too much mascara. Lots of black. Sound pretty tropical right? I met men who told me how to kill with one finger, a guy who makes a living filming pornography, a janitor who likes to beat up the other janitors when no one's looking, an underage girl who traded me cloves for drinks, and, well, lots of folks. My plane lands in Berlin Saturday morning. This gives me enough time to catch up on EVERYTHING (I've got business deals to make, tarot cards to finally get printed, lots of stuff to paint, and paintings to mail to happy people who want to give me money). One of those things is an illustration of my entire crazy-ass vacation...something I look forward to getting out there since nothing screams lame quite like a "What I did on my Summer Vacation" article.

I will give you a sneak peek from one aspect of my recent trip:

Say hello to Big Black Dick.

He's a historical figure of Grand Cayman...and he also is known for being lucky in the genital department. Expect to hear the entire history of Big Black Dick (damn, it's fun to type that and it be completely (mostly) innocent...) soon.

Oh and you have no idea how hard it was to NOT title this post: "Big Black Dick is Awesome". No idea.

-jared

Edit:

Almost forgot: If I was supposed to mail/paint you something but couldn't due to the vacation of DOOM, please let give me a quick word at jared@headinjurytheater.com. I'm a scatterbrain and I know it.

One last thing:

I might actually be coming to live and stay in The States sooner rather than later. I had a great visit...and, to be honest, I miss being in a country that speaks my language. To everyone who made my visit particularly surreal and pleasant: Thank you. I'll keep you informed on when I come back to roost on a more permanent basis in the potentially (and dangerously so) near future.

Illustration Friday: I don't know either.

I hate it when Illustration Friday art doesn't bring me joy.

This week's theme was Opposites. At least, that's what was on my brain when I sat down tonight to doodle something for this week's theme. Which was opposites. This week.

Since I was on a cruise being infected with pirate fever (sort of a true story), I missed out on last week's theme which I'm told was Sacrifice. I doodled it the day I left but forgot to scan it in. It's not as magical as I'd planned, but what ever is?

News explaining my website silence and the terror that is pirate fever in mere moments. Oh and I'll talk about Big Black Dick. It's in capital letters....because it's a name. Mostly.

-jared

www.headinjurytheater.com

Cthunshine

Man, I haven't done any art for Illustration Friday for a while. This week's theme was Skyline.

So yeah. There you go.

-jared

Jenny Craig is DOOMED

This was a 1st draft of a comic-type thing. It's not funny enough to actually get put on the site (if you can believe that) but the whole mess amuses me enough to force my hand into sharing it.

For the love of God, when I first heard about this I thought is was a joke. But no, A chocolate company really DID buy Jenny Craig. I'm sure on some level it has something to do with obesity awareness or something, but still. That's completely retarded if not a little evil.

Sheesh.

-jared

In Candyland, everything is Legal...

I'm still crazy mobile (which explains the slight delay on this week's update) but weirdness and fun in New York abounds.
One of my friends demanded that I take a good look at Milton Bradley's game Candyland and prayed that I'd find it bizarre enough to review.
As it turns out, Candyland is really, really screwed up if you look at it too closely. Take a peek (or gander, if you're into that sort of thing):

My "peppermint piccolo" also plays off-key whenever my King's gone missing too. Ack. And isn't Mr. Mint just the perfect mascot for that old Monty Python "Gay Lumberjack" song?
Oh and I find it very very strange that one of the people I met while I was up here in New York looks dangerously close to the Queen of Candyland.

If you knew who I was talking about, you'd understand. Or not. Hell, maybe I'm just looking for an excuse to call someone Queen Frostine. That seems more likely.
More Candyland madness in the near future. In the meantime, enjoy yourself.
-jared