Project Whore$: Ebay fun?

My older woman went ahead and did something strange. She whored me out on eBay.
Seriously.
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&rd=1&item=7410719351&ssPageName=STRK:MESE:IT

She's challenged me to try to treat my art as a more than a little hobby of mine. I'm not exactly sure what that means, but the eBay experiment might be worth a laugh. Hell, if you want me to paint you something it's a pretty cheap way of getting me to do it. You know, if you're into that kind of thing.
Project Whore$ will probably continue as the month goes on (for better or most likely for worse). That's my warning to you.
:sigh:

I really hate money. Still, check out the auction if you want a cheap painting. At the very least, it'll make my patron a little happier. When that happens, I don't have to sleep in The Box.
-jared

Art Smash Tequila

I'm not sure what to say that I haven't already said about it. I've been wanting to do another Art Crash ever since the last one ended and, pretty much spontaneously, I decided to do one involving a bottle of tequila and dinosaurs just to see how it went. While I'm it doesn't compare much to the 300 hour marathon, you might get a kick out of it.

http://www.headinjurytheater.com/artsmashtequila.htm

On an unrelated note, I'm redesigning a few major sections of the site for a couple of reasons. As such if there's something there that you HATE, now's the time to mention it. Talk to you guys soon with tales of eBay and despair.

-jared

www.headinjurytheater.com

We're all robots of flesh and bone

While the whole Illustration Friday doesn't always have the best themes every week, I was pretty excited when I heard everyone was supposed to paint something around the word "Robot." Since I tend to paint robots all the time (my mind just wanders in that direction for some reason), I put a bit of thought into it. Oddly enough something from my childhood came to mind.

When I was in elementary school and was first being taught about human biology, it came to me that we're all just machines. That's not a huge realization since all the examples in kiddie science use machines as examples for everything...but it stuck with me. My arm isn't my arm, it's just this weird crane thing that I have control of. I see with my eyes, but when I look at myself I'm not looking at me, just the machine I'm inside of. Kinda goofy and spooky...and obvious, but to a kid that crap sticks with you. Bodies break down, parts fail...the human machine idea sort of hangs around once you grab onto it for some reason. Hell, I'm not sure what I'm rambling about now, I guess I'm just reflecting back on this weird realization I had when I was 9 that made me wonder, if my body is just a machine running on flesh and chemistry, who am I?

So yeah. That weird little rant explains why I painted a robot made of bone. Because that's sort of what I feel that we all are. Sometimes.

-jared

PS: That weird memory flashback sort of explains why, ten years later, I would waste my first few years of college studying philosophy. Waste is the right word, but that's a story for another time.

www.headinjurytheater.com

Mythbusters and the Shark-Fisting Machine...

I don't watch a lot of television. Part of that is due to my need to isolate myself from some parts of pop culture and another part of that is due to my home being in Germany...which is, in regards to some shows and movies, a third world country getting only the "prime" stuff when it's been out on DVD for about 3-4 years. Hell, "ALF" is still on in a prime time slot. Sure it's a rerun, but ALF is played on German television every day around 6 or so.

Back on topic. Someone introduced me to a show on the Discovery Channel called "Mythbusters." The basic premise of the show is that two guys (Adam and Jamie) who have been doing special effects for years try to prove or disprove some sort of legend or urban myth. They've covered everything from "Does soda and Pop Rocks make your stomach explode?" to "Can you catch a bullet in your teeth" to "Is there such a thing as a "Brown Note" that'll make you crap your pants when you hear it?" It's a great show. A bunch of folks sit around figuring out how to make missiles, stomping machines, and automatic football kicking machines. It's not the most scientific thing in the world, but it's fun....and that's what is important here. Two highlights before I share with you the exact moment I became a Mythbusters fan.

Here Adam pees on an electric fence....for SCIENCE!

Here Adam takes a rectal thermometer...for SCIENCE! (The actual experiment in question needed to know if his body temp was rising unhealthily due to being covered in gold paint. The myth in question refers to an old James Bond movie, in case you were wondering.)

So what made me a fan of this tech-oriented geeky show? Take a look:

You're looking at two rubber dildos....shaped like fists. One of the show's interns runs off to a sexual fetish shop and buys these little pieces of sex terror. Why, you ask? This particular episode had them testing "shark-related" myths....and they needed to see if punching a shark in the nose or gills would scare them aware or just piss them off. This is where those fisting tools come into play.

Wait. What's that robot doing to that shark?

Dear Lord, what's that on the end of the robot's arm?

Holy Crap, they made a robot that punches sharks in the face with rubber dildos shaped like someone's fist. How could I NOT love this show?

-jared

Superman, for the love of God, WHY?

I really need to get back to making fun of the usual stuff, but the comic book research that I've been digging through has really started to affect my brain.
Hell, I could spend forever talking about bizarre cross-promotions that Superman's been involved in. Even worse, not all of them are that old:

The funniest thing about this one is that Ali's the main hero, while Superman pretty much takes a backseat and a beating. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Mr. "named after the Prophet" Ali only signed on if he got to beat Superman's ass. Because that's what he does.

Dear lord. He's doing crossovers with toys now? Also note how freaking scary He-man looks. Seriously, all he needs now is to bite the head off a live chicken and the "look" is complete.

I hate to admit it, but I actually liked this one. Although I'm not sure why the Thundercats had to fight ASIAN Superman, instead of the usual one.
And yes, these will all get reviewed sooner than I'd care to admit...but I had to share. There's even more out there that hurt me a lot. From The Punisher Vs. Archie, Transformers vs. G.I. Joe, to OMG WHAT THE HELL IS THAT to....
:sigh:
Comic books. Their geek stench is clinging to my fingers and soiling my keyboard. To make up for it, I rented a DVD of early Nuclear Scare shorts, including the infamous "Duck and Cover" film. And, to be honest, it's everything I thought it would be. More later. And by "more", I think I mean more geekiness. Possibly.
-jared

Update: Speaking of scary crossovers, did you see this week's article?

http://www.headinjurytheater.com/article49.htm

Happy Easter from the Garbage Pail Kids!

I can't believe I forgot to do something for Easter.

I hope this makes up for it.

Gah.

-jared

Update:

Why the hell are so many people into the idea of Zombie Christ this year? I did that cartoon last year but still. Oh well. Enjoy a quick thing I just put together, mostly with cheap Highlighters.

Don't judge me.

Speedball and his Amazing Friends...

This illustration Friday thing is slowly but surely becoming routine. Enjoy my take on this week's topic, which was "Speed."

There's a larger image of that on the site, because painting that was far too much fun and making it blog-sized just wounds me a little.

Also you guys might have noticed I debuted the geekiest thing on the site tonight. It's so geeky it fills me with shame. Admittedly, I'm terrible when it comes to being a good nerd and embracing the suck wholeheartedly, but then again, that might be a good thing. What am I talking about?

We've got a guy named after a combination of heroine and cocaine, a couple of characters from the 1970's, a guy with the Atari logo on his face...dear God my test article for reviewing a comic book is finally up and running. Check out this week's article to understand my pain and pleasure. Oh and pay close attention to the crime-fighting cripple with the kung fu crutches and the superpowered hooker who's defeated by her own orgasm. I'm deadly serious. I have no clue what the hell Marvel was thinking.

http://www.headinjurytheater.com/article48.htm

I don't know if reviewing terrible comic books is better or worse than reviewing terrible movies, but you have to admit it's a change of pace.

Until next time, enjoy yourself.

-jared

German Ads....again.

It's been a little while since I've shared something like this, but I'll rectify that now.

Check out this flyer for my local pizza place:

If you don't know German, it's even better I think. The joke is a spelling one, sort of.

Still, it comes down to a stripper with a sheep in her hands. That's got to be worth something.

Also check this out:

Only in Germany will they sell MEAT with SOCKS. Well, that's probably not completely true, but sweet Jesus that's a strange pitch. I mean really...what's next? Cola and tampons or maybe cereal and laxatives?

Nevermind. I really don't like the mental image of random Germans filling their socks with meat. I'm going to run away now.

-jared

Spring and the Joys of Paul

Almost late is better than never. This week's Illustration theme was "Spring." While I'm pretty sure it was in reference to this time of year, my goofy comic research into terrible characters was fresh on the brain. So I feel totally lame and quite pathetic about thinking of the "Fabulous Frog-man" right away when I heard the word.

The Fabulous Frog-man (or Leap-frog) is just a guy who dresses up like a frog in a special suit with "electric leaping coils" in the shoes. In case you're dumb, "electric leaping coils" means the guy had really big lame springs on the bottom of his feet to make him jump "with the amazing power of frog." Enjoy a quick watercolor I did tonight:

It's actually bigger than my scanner, so please tolerate the croppage.

On a totally different note, it's very difficult to not explain how happy I am with how the Paul the Kid Eyeball thing worked out. All my friends are sick to death of hearing about it, so I'll just say that it brings me a criminal amount of joy and leave it at that.

...

...

...

I lied.

LOOOOOOOOOOOK, Damn You! Look at it Again, damn you!

http://www.headinjurytheater.com/kideyeball.htm

Sorry. I'm better now. Let us not speak of Paul again.

-jared

Comic Books Still Scare Me...

Alright. I've confessed that I've been doing a little comic research to find some really god awful weird stuff to share and while my findings have been very profitable, some of it really, really hurts.

For example, I pulled this from the comic "Savage Dragon":

You'll find out more about him later but for the love of all that is holy, I can't believe I actually got to read a comic where the heroes get "butt blasted" by a superpowered criminal....with ass powers. And yes, he can fly. With his ass.

:shudder:

I need to take a shower.

-jared

Digital Strips is Almost Special...

I've already admitted that I've got a pretty shallow critical depth when webcomics are concerned. I'm out of the loop usually (which is a good thing at times) but when I do get my fix I get it over with the growing crew found at Digital Strips (http://www.digitalstrips.com/). A while back (well, a month ago) they started a contest challenging people to make their own comic out of a picture of their own devising. The picture in question was this simple thing:

If you're familiar with the "Specials" that I do from time to time, you already know what I did with that. If you're new, then I'll just say that I printed out a dozen or so copies of that picture and started painting them with watercolors until I had a small handful of cute little one-panel comics. You have to "get" Digital Strips to understand a few of them, but for the most part I think the general geek public might get a maybe sort of possible kick out of them. Also I have NO idea where to put these on the site, so the Blog seemed like a good place to hang them to dry. (I also had to shrink them a bit to fit them in the Blog, but that's neither here nor there.)

Fun with Photoshop fonts. Please forgive me. Also if you'd like to see more legitimate versions of my "Specials" and you haven't yet, check out Jerome and Abe Lincoln here:

http://www.headinjurytheater.com/special.htm

Oh, and enjoy yourselves.

-jared