A new article? Blasphemy (and only a Hint)

A new article was thought up today and, well, after almost 6 months of hiatus, I return to posting far too detailed reviews of things that some folks think are pretty funny. While I don't want to ruin the surprise, here's a hint:

Subtle, right? Here's hoping Hasbro doesn't sue.
Hell, every time I update I'm praying someone doesn't sue.

Thanks again for all the support guys and girls. You've been awesome and, well, it's good to be back.
-Jared

EDIT ONE:
A lot of people have written to me asking if I can put my D&D Monsters on T-shirts or something. It's a good idea and, hell, I like swag. I'm holding off on it for a few reasons:
1. I don't know the legal aspect of doing that.
2. Cafe Press sucks and I've yet to find a better printer that does drop shipping. If I didn't live in Berlin I could handle it myself but as is...there's no "good" option at present.
3. I'm actually chatting with some D&D folks about creative projects...and I'm excited about that. This is similar to #1 above, but even if it is legal I don't want a dick move like "because I can" to burn any bridge.

EDIT TWO:
I did a bit more research into my article (while writing) and it turns out the above Hint is very, very wrong. I thought I was being clever but I was being, well, retarded. Fun trivia with the history of action figures with gimmicky features will be up on the site soon and all will be explained!
(You might also notice the "coming soon" bits on the Entertainment page. It's true, but I think they'll be up after I throw out a quickie review of something...special.)

Edit 3: The article is up. Enjoy!
Attacktix: The only game where you stuff balls into Jabba's Mouth.

Selling my Soul....(and you're buying)

For some....ahem..."unknown reason", I've sold a bunch of paintings lately. Hell, I've sold more paintings in the past 4 days than I have in the past 6 months. You guys are awesome. That said, I've learned quite a bit lately and, well, found that actually posting a general price solves a lot of the drama and helps me overcome my fear of money. In other words I don't have to be afraid and dread talking to people who want to buy paintings. Hell, I think I still have a bunch of emails in my in-box from folks trying to buy stuff from months back and...if you're one of those people, my apologies for the disorganization. I'm terrible at the business end of this but I'm working on fixing that. Finally.

So why bring it up now?

...Because I finally updated my "You want to spend money" page. I still hate talking about money, but for the first time in 5 years there are concrete prices plus actually rules for getting a commission from me.

Check it out if that's your thing. Click HERE.
-Jared

PS: I will be going to GenCon this year. You guys are just THAT awesome. More on that later, but if you'll be there, let me know. We'll hang out and kill goblins.

Dangerous Delves Doodles: Another Perspective

I'll keep this short because I don't deal well with compliments.
This is stupid uplifting, flattering, and....well, pretty darn cool.
Have you seem my impromptu tribute to plastic geekery yet?
Click Here to see the Dangerous Delves Doodles.

If you check out the official Gallery page of Dungeons and Dragons (Click Here) you might notice something else cool.
Seriously...scroll down to the bottom.

Considering that I started this project last Thursday on a total whim (hurrah for no impulse control!) and now my little adventure in too much free time is happily linked to on the official D&D site....gah. Turns out a lot of folks in the WotC office are really grooving on the pictures and I just posted them today. A few hours later, here we are with a pretty good ego boost.

Man, it feels good to finally be painting like a madman again. Thanks guys and girls.
-Jared
"who is kind of embarrassed of the Coctomom post below this one"
(But not enough to remove it.)

Happy Mother's Day (Or, "Suck it, Breeders!"

Just an aside.

For those who've followed the site for years, you probably already know about that old section where I review pornographic movies. That little crappy section has earn me press passes to Erotic Trade Expos (where I was able to see the latest in Stripping Technology) and to meet the infamous Molly Luft (look it up if you really, really hate living). The section has been long overdue for an update and with today's holiday I figured I'd give a sneak peek of the title screen.



Yes, someone made a porno about the Octomom called Coctomom. I don't want to ruin the plot, but it features an ex-husband, a fertility doctor, and a giant beer cooler filled with sperm.
Oh man, now I know why I kept putting off reviewing these things.
-Jared

Are White Folks allowed to point this out?

Just a quick aside:

Why is Oprah's weight problem considered "Pop Culture" news, while Oprah causing a Kentucky Fried Chicken Riot is "Black News". (She gave away chicken via her website, drama ensues.) There's a racial stereotype there somewhere....if Obama gave everyone free watermelon would that also be black news? God, I don't know if these things are finally far enough in the past to talk about but when I saw this it hurt my brain a bit. This from the world's worst new source, AOL News. Check it out, even if you don't have an account. They have a series of Blogs that are each focused on one thing...Pop Culture, Youtube Videos that are Popular, Manly Men Stuff, etc. and the hilarious thing is that these corporate advertisement blogs are given the same authority as normal news. So we'll see things about Iraq or something next to Lohan's latest fashion blunder. It's surreal. Sign of the times, but Surreal.

So yeah, hopefully this doesn't paint me as a terrible person or anything, I'm just kind of shocked that riots at KFC is a bit of "African-American-centric" news. And by shocked I mean laughing my ass off.
-Jared

Another Aside for those that visit or live here in Berlin with me. I found this in the Psychetronic Film Guide for this old movie. There's nothing more surreal than seeing Post-War Germany filled with Spacemen.