Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Comic Books Scare Me.

While I've already shown this to a few people, try to enjoy this tiny peek at another book report that I'm working on for the site. Enjoy this panel from "Superman vs. Spiderman":
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I may not know a lot about comic books...but someone just introduced me to an amazing amount of crap that Marvel and DC has been peddling for years and it would be CRIMINAL for me not to bring it to light. Expect a debut of sorts in the coming month.

Monday, March 27, 2006

Reading Rainbow....

While a lot of the stuff coming up is distinctively art related (because that's what I get the most feedback concerning and I'd be lying if that didn't help nudge me a little), I figured I'd at least give a peek at some of the new material and possibly even a new section for the already far-too fractured Head Injury Theater (or Head Injury Theatre if you're into that kind of thing). As dumb as it might sound, I'm going to start doing the occassional Book Report. While that might sound pretty boring, most of the books lined up have illustrations that help bring how screwed up the book is into spooky focus. Take this illustration from Frank L. Baum's "The Marvelous Land of Oz":
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While I added the caption to highlight exactly why that picture by John R. Neill is a little distubing, that's only the tip of the iceberg. The boy "stuffing the Scarecrow" so happily will, by the end of the book, get a magical sex change. Other things include Frankenstein-like creations who by the finale only wish to be torn apart because they wish they were never born. Now I'm a huge fan of Oz, but I'm a huge fan of a lot of the stuff I make fun of. I mean it innocently enough, but dear God the 2nd Oz book is far too easy to twist into something far darker than it was meant to be. You'll see.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Illustration Friday and Silence?

Well, I've been neglecting the blog for two reasons:
1. For some unholy reason it's stopped loading for most people, including myself. It's not vanished or's just not uploading from time to time. Not sure what's going on but I'm looking into the problem and entertaining the notion of setting up a non-Blogger, er, Blog.
2. During the last Art Crash, I updated this Blog far too much. Since I hate the idea of Blogs without direction, I've sort of been picky about what the hell I'm going to share. Bah.
That said, please enjoy this picture for Illustration Friday. The Theme was something retarded easy and boring. "Monster." That's almost redundant over here, right?
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I call it: "Our Children will be Beautiful." For the Trivia geek out there, I think that was supposed to be Pants from Jerk City. I'm not sure now that I look at it again.
Enjoy yourselves, I'll keep you guys updated. Far TOO much is going on right now and it'll be fun to unveil some of it in the near future. In the meantime, I can say nothing.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

St. Patrick's Day

I just wanted to let you guys know how I spent my St. Patrick's Day....and give you a hint as to what next week's article is all about:
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That's Warwick Davis (you know, "Willow" the eeeeediot) as the Leprechaun. Only he's rapping and surrounded by "zombie flygirls." God damn it, Leprechaun in the Hood is so terrible it's awesome. I think I've already confessed this somewhere on the site, but the Leprechaun movie franchise is one of my favorites. I'll explain why later, but it has a lot to do with watching Warwick smoke pot, make fun of balding obese cyborgs, jump out of men's genitalia, and make Jennifer from Friends use the "F" word while holding a shotgun (while being chased by a leprechaun). In other words, life is good.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Update in the UK with PORN

Well, I don't usually post in the Blog about updates, but I figured I'd make an exception today.
First off, if you want to read all about my UK webcomic experience, then you can read all about it by clicking here:

Secondly, if I show you this a few of you might figure out what finally got updated:
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Yes, I finally updated the "Pornographic Nightmare Fuel" section of the site. It kind of makes me sad that THAT particular section is the one that I get frequent demands from people telling me to update it. So I finally got around to indulging your wishes, you sick, sick people. Just know this: That Real Doll entry is just for you. :shudder:
Check it out:

Also let me apologize for the lack of a Saint Patrick's Day's going to run a little late because of my trip to London but you guys can expect far too much information about Warwick Davis as a hiphop Leprechaun in Space next week. That's sort of a promise and almost a threat. Catch you later.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

UK Chaos

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Here's the short story:
Friend A asks why I don't go to conventions. My answer is goofy and stupid. Suddenly a wad of cash gets donated to me ordering me to go to London to at least see what one looks like. I find cheap airplane tickets. I scramble and, at the last minute, find someplace to stay. Then I go to buy the tickets and the website won't take my credit card information. While I deal with that the price of the tickets goes up. Eventually I have to call someone else to order the tickets since RyanAir seems to hate me. That pretty much brings you up to date. In about 10 hours I'm going to be in London for the first time. It's also so that I can visit the UK Web (& Mini) Comic Thing on Saturday. Well, actually that's the main reason for the trip. I guess I'll be there in the crowd representing Americans.....that live in Germany....or something like that.
Should be educational, should be fun....and I'll finally find out exactly what a Quid is and if the Benny Hill music plays if you chase a girl in a bikini.
If you happen to be there, I'll be the guy in the shiny shirt wearing the "Ask me about my stupid webcomic" pin. Seriously.
I really just have to say thank you to the people who are helping me out with this. If it wasn't for you I couldn't be making this really, really spontaneous trip. And hell, you're helping me spend very little money in the process. You guys rock.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Goofy Trivia Time: Robin, Boy Wonder

UPDATE: If you're wondering why the main page is still missing an article, just know that technical issues still abound and someone will die.
My web host has been giving me problems from the moment my Art Crash started and hasn't really let up. This week's update is going to be running a little late as I reinstall a bunch of stuff and talk to Tech support again.
I'm going to announce a few weird projects and things that are coming up later on in the week, but I might as well do a little foreshadowing...or at least some goofy trivia sharing.
Before we begin, let me confess I don't read a lot of comics. I think that's both a good and bad thing when it comes to actually creating your own, but that rant is for another time. Last Christmas I got a gift that was "work-related". My family got me a reprinting of all the original Batman stories, mostly so that I could see conclusively how the original comics blatantly plagiarize from the silent film: The Bat. There will be a very intense comparison study on the site eventionally....but instead of pointing out how Kane's work is just a comic version of a movie character, let's focus on Robin for a moment.
Now, what is Robin named after? Sure enough, on the Teen Titans he's got bird-themed weapons, a bird-themed motocycle, and even a bird-themed flight suit straight out of G-Force. When he grows up he becomes "NightWing" the bird thing seems to be a common theme. Imagine my surprise when I found out what Robin was really named after. Take a close look at Robin's first appearance, as seen below:
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Take a closer look:
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Holy Crap, Robin is named after ROBIN HOOD?!? Talk about new levels of suck. Actually the Robin thing makes a lot of sense, mostly due to the psychotic popularity of Robin Hood in the media at the time. But still. At what point did Robin stop being "Lil' Robin Hood" and started being the goofy bird-themed sidekick that he is today (and seems to have been for decades)?
Food for thought. Maybe.
(And of course it goes without saying that the above images are not mine and are reproduced here for review purposes via glorious Fair Use.)

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Two Magical Films

The Blog should be getting back to normal soon, but in the sake of completion let me just mention two films that were a big part of the process....or just two bizarro films that stand out in my memory.
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Pokemon: The First Movie.
I'd like to stab Colin in the face for recommending this film...and I mean that in the best possible way. Really. Let's look at the name. It's a weird marketing ploy when you name your franchise's first film, the "franchise's first film." I'm already having trouble wrapping my head around that one.
(For those who are over the age of thirty and don't have kids: Pokemon are tiny collectible japanese monsters that kids (in the movies/games) pit against each other in a surreal variation of cock fighting. Each Pokemon has special powers, like shooting fire, belching poison, or just kicking you in the crotch repeatedly.
While I do intend on reviewing this in more detail later, let me just give you the brain-melting climax. An evil pokemon has created super-clones of normal pokemon and, to prove their superiority he magically "turns off" all the pokemon's special powers forcing them to fight via simple streetfighting. So instead of shooting fire or electrocuting one another, they bite and stomp each other. Appparently this is MUCH less humane than letting them blast each other with radioactive energy and toxic steam. It's really weird how everyone feels bad for the little critters when they have to bludgeon each other but not when they're setting each other ON FIRE. I know you're not supposed to think about like this, but it's a lot of fun thinking how PETA would reach to people trapping creatures in pocket-sized cages and only letting them out to fight to the death.
Moving on, check out this shot from a rubber monster movie produced by the dictator of North Korea:
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One of the paintings (Ryan Estrada's suggestion to be precise) asked me to paint Kim Jong Il and gave me a bunch of information about why he was a nutty, nutty man. Besides having awesome hair, Kim Jong Il alledgedly kidnapped and forced a director to make films for North Korea, one of them Pulgasari. The film's not very good and is TERRIBLE when you realize what year it came out (1985). Still, it's a funny film about conquering old, abusive forms of government and liberating the people...and you can make a good argument that the monster represents capitalism, if you're the kind of person who sees everything as symbolism. The message is there, but it's sort of hidden behind a giant bull dragon monster smashing paper buildings. Last bit of trivia: The guy in that rubber suit is actually the same guy who was The Smog Monster, Gigan, and Godzilla (1984-onward). Expect a review sooner than later, I just had to share.