Why you should never go to a Club with me....

Drunk Art Returns!

A long time ago, I used to post tiny paintings that I'd originally drawn while drinking at a nightclub. I haven't done that for a while, but the other weekend I found myself at The Island, a 3-story goth club that's located on, you guessed it, an island. It was a blast but for whatever reason I started drawing the weird people that kept wandering through the place. And while I think it's kind of dorky to be sitting at a club drinking with your friends while you draw, I had the best/strangest conversation with some drunken German at around 2 in the morning.

Random German: "You......are so cool."

Jared: "Um, thanks?"

RG: "You screw the fashion!"

Jared: "Excuse me?"

RG: "You don't care of the scene, the fashion, you do your own thing and SCREW THE FASHION!"

Jared: :blink: Thanks man.

RG: "F--- the Motherf---ing FASHION!"

It was a compliment while making sense in the strangest possible way....I think. Have I mentioned how much I love the clubs here?

Anyway, all of the people picture are based off people that I really saw, including the scary-toothed girl with the wounded hand. Check it out if you're into seeing "Goths I have Known."

www.headinjurytheater.com/strange.htm

-jared

Thoroughly Modern Millie

I don't try to hide the fact that I try to watch everything. Being good friends with the owner of a 20-Year old video store means that my insatiable hunger for movies ends up getting fed pretty regularly. I don't even pretend that one day I'll review most of them, but last week one film had something so freaking bizarre in it that it hurt me. It hurts me still. I'm sure none of you have seen it, but that won't stop me from getting this crap off my chest.

Thoroughly Modern Millie is a musical that was made in 1967 and made fun of movies from the 1920's. It's kind of funny unto itself to watch an old-as-dirt film making fun of older-than-dirt films. The movie stars Julie Andrews and Mary Tyler Moore...and one more. Imagine this scene:

The characters are in an old bi-plane enjoying themselves...until suddenly the music shifts and an enemy German plane appears behind them as it to shoot them down. At the last moment the plane flies along side them and an elderly woman with a champagne bottle screams at the top of her lungs:

RASPBERRY!

I can't believe I just watched Carol Channing pop out of a plane and scream something nonsensical. Maybe it meant something back then but for the love of all that is holy, I can't imagine what. It's kind of like a policeman pulling you over, walking up to your window and screaming "Pumpernickel!" at you.

Of course it happens again. Carol Channing makes another surprise entrance with her infamous catchphrase. How, exactly?

RAAAAASPBERRRRRRRY!

Holy God, it's Carol Channing being shot out of a cannon screaming something that still doesn't make any sense.

:deep breath:

Sorry I had to share that. The only other interesting thing of note about this musical/comedy (that is still sort of entertaining if that's your thing I guess) is the film introduced me to a new word for boobs: Fronts. Apparently some time last century it was totally cool for women to call their breasts their Fronts. I can't explain why that makes me laugh, but it does.

Forgive me for sharing this....I needed to tell someone and, well, you seemed the most easily approachable.

-jared

Give unto Ryan what is Ryan's...

In the spirit of the upcoming Art Crash (see below), I realized that I needed a touchstone so that my tentative sanity doesn't slip through my fingers. But where do you turn when you need support of the spiritual and emotional varieties in regards to your suicidal artistic pursuits? The answer should be obvious, but to make it official I painted this tonight:

Technically that should read "artistic suicide attempts" but you get the idea.

-jared

(Btw...it's a hell of a lot of fun to print out a picture of someone and watercolor it to death. Really it is.)

Art Crash 214: It's official.

Hi there.

Here's the deal: I've been hinting at this for a while and been dragging my feet but I'm setting a date and doing another Art Crash. Maybe I'm bored. Maybe I feel I haven't done anything that exciting lately. Maybe I just realized I have too much free time. And, maybe, I'm announcing this far too early. :nervous drum roll:

On February 15th I'm going to start painting like a madman. In the spirit of weird Artistic stamina challenges I'm going to try to produce at least one painting for each hour for the next 214 hours. Of course a little sleeping will happen from time to time, but for the next 9 or so days I will be painting. What will I be painting? I will be painting anything and everything you people suggest (and if no one's suggesting I'll paint whatever comes to mine).

A friend of mine's been bugging me about this and even came up with the idea of setting up a webcam (or even some weird Skype arrangement) so you can see for yourself the chaos or at least the latest painting. So I guess it'll be an interactive Art Crash that should break my spirit...if all goes according to plan.

I'll post more information when the date gets closer but I wanted to warn you people as well as make myself contractually obligated to do this awesome fun thing that fills me with terror.

Mark your calendars. Do it now.

-jared

A Post about Updates?

3 things, not like the other:

1. The Monsturd interview....I'm pretty happy with this but I figured I'd officially post that I'm a total slacker that had a broken computer. The reason I have to say this is that the article was supposed to go up in November, but computer doom hit and, well, you know the rest. Oh and if you ever thought of making a film, you should read what Popko and West had to say. I don't usually make blog entries about site updates, but I'm kind of giddy about pulling off an interview with some folks that NEEDED to be interviewed.

www.headinjurytheater.com/article42.htm

2. Yet another Comic Jam & Jellies.

I painted another one, this time about parasitic neckwear.

http://www.globalcomicjam.com/comicjams/chaosjam/chaos_004j.htm

3. Isketch is still on for Wednesday, but by total accident/synchronicity both me and Ryan Estrada were looking for people to play online tonight. Ryan makes hella cute Isketch drawings. Really he does.

Can you figure out what that's supposed to be? I knew you could.

Until another time, play safe.

-jared

PS: If you haven't seen the painting I did entitled "Leper Man, steal your baby he can" on the Strange Art page this week, you are missing out at one of the feel paintings that fills me with sick glee.

Comic Jams and Jellies

I stumbled onto the random weirdness that is the Global Comic Jam...for those that don't know it's improvisational comic writing. Or something like that. I threw something together for it yesterday and I've already learned a lot of things. For example, I've learned that I know nothing when it comes to fulfilling size and file size requirements. It's downright spooky how little I know. Really.

Here's the page, in case you were curious:

http://www.globalcomicjam.com/comicjams/chaosjam/chaos_002f.htm

God Bless non-linear storytelling.

-jared

Update: Two things. 1. Idaho Transfer is an awesome movie because, yes, people power their cars by throwing the mentally retarded into their trunks. 2. Either it's a typo on their site or my long-lost brother Josh von Hindman just signed up to Comic Jam.

Chuck Norris has a Sweet, Sweet Ride...

I was doing a bit of research for an upcoming article and somehow got sucked into the world of toys from the 1980's and 90's. I'm not a "retro-crazy" as a lot of people seem to be, but I did see and advertisement for something that keeps making me laugh.

Chuck Norris had a lot of action figures made after him...most of them included some sort of spring-loaded kick thing. It makes sense I guess. But what action figure series is complete without a large vehicle of some sort? There enters Chuck Norris and his Karate Corvette. Seriously.

Besides the general sadness/strangeness of it all, let me point out something:

If you look closely enough, you can see Chuck Norris throwing up the "devil's horns" as if to say "rock on Ted!" He's supposed to be throwing a ninja star I guess...but really. Chuck Norris is so showing us the horns.

In the name of hunting down old toys that you can't remember what series they belonged to, I suggest spending a bit of time here:

http://www.virtualtoychest.com/navigation/navigation.html

The site design sucks on toast but if you scroll down there's a rocking list of images of random obscure toys. For example: I had no idea the name of those damn things I used to play with all the time were "Spinjas." Spinning Ninjas. Gah. The simple joys of childhood.

By the way, I am now officially saving up my money so I can buy a Karate Corvette in real life. If not that then at least a Tai Bo Geo.

-jared

Update: While looking on the Virtual Toy Chest site, I also stumbled upon this:

Please don't tell me that in 1986 someone thought playing with overweight Japanese men in diapers would be a profitable idea. I don't want to believe. Oh and not that I need to point it out, but please note that both the above figures can get MORE naked and reveal their highly detailed ass cracks to you. :shudder:

Synchronicity puts things in my Mouth

I left my flat to go shopping today....despite still having a fever and feeling not unlike crap. As I began trudging through the snow I literally said: God damn it, I wish there was some sort of magic drink that I would make me all better."

While I was walking down the drink aisle, I spotted this:

X-Plosiv! "The Magic Drink."

If it works, then there is still magic in the universe. If it doesn't, whatever God is out there is a total cock-knob.

-jared

(Btw the background for the picture is my front door....I tape all the old weekly banners to it)

Update: God is indeed a total cock-knob....though X-Plosiv is a nice substitute when you don't want to mix chocolate milk and gatorade yourself. I guess what I mean to say is that The Magic Drink is possibly the most disgusting thing I've ever put in my mouth. Considering what I did that time I tried out for Fear Factor, that's saying something.

Isketch Update: Thanks again everyone who came out...it was a lot of fun and I thank each of you for putting up with a very sick me. You rock....particularly for forgiving my feverish rambling.

Andy Warhol ate my Scanner!

In the past week, I've slowly realized that all machines are out to get me. From broken monitors, new motherboards in need of repair, and a DVD player that destroys DVD's, it's been hard NOT to notice. And then tonight, as I get ready to scan a bunch of stuff in for this week's update, this happens:

My scanner is either getting experimental on me or is very, very broken.

-jared

Update: Sorry about the shape of this week's update, but I got thrown all out of whack by losing my voice to some random bug (illness, not a random insect flying into my throat) and my scanner not wanting to work. I'm not bitter. My karma just keeps kicking me in the crotch. On that note: God bless and see you the hell later.

The Voyage of the Meme....

I have no idea what a meme is nor why it requires me to draw my version of Batgirl, but I'm a sucker who doesn't ask questions when people ask me to draw stuff.

Apparently it's some weird phenomenon (do-do-bee-do-do) band wagon artist thing.

Check it out:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/himynameisjamie/345568.html

Actually this makes me question whether I should have set this Blog up on LiveJournal or not. LiveJournal has, in the past, been the symbol for everything that I hate about blogging. On the other hand, recently I've learned of a lot of nifty people that are on there and, unlike Blogger, there seems to be much more of a community thing going on.

Bah. Stupid first impressions ruining my ability to enjoy Live Journal. Bah I say.

-jared

PS: I'm hesitant to research exactly what a Meme is because either a) I'll find out it's something retarded that'll send me fleeing or b) it'll be something cool that requires you to draw random things on a regular basis and it'll swallow me whole.

PPS(or is it PSS?): The Isketch party or whatever you want to call it will be happening this Wednesday night again. There should be one on the weekend....but we'll see what people say Wednesday night. I'm going to start posting the Isketch meeting times on the main site in the weekly update section at the bottom of the main page...just so that this blog doesn't turn into a huge OMG I LUV ISKETCH archive, even if that is mostly accurate. Because I do both love and LUV OMG Isketch.org.

Isketch is Officially Crazy Delicious

I'd like to thank the people who showed up to the Isketch.org room tonight....it was far too much fun. Then again, it'd have to be somewhat fun for us to do it for almost 6 hours straight. We're definitely going to be doing this regularly and unless I say otherwise, Wednesday at 6pm Eastern is when we get started and we'll play until everyone leaves or the clock strikes 12 and I turn into a pumpkin. The best part about playing for such a long time is that you can actually see people get better. Considering how my "excuse" for spending so much time playing online pictionary is that I need to practice my tablet-drawing skills it works out pretty well. On a side note this was the final drawing I did after 5 1/2 hours of non-stop Isketch fun:

Any game where I have to draw "The Attack of the 50 ft. Woman" is doing pretty well in my book.

-jared

Isketch Time! and German Beer Advertisement

First thing:

I'm going to officially be getting onto Isketch.org at Midnight this Wednesday. That means 6pm eastern American time. I'll be on there a WHILE because even if I'm alone it's good practice for my damn Wacom tablet. So if any of you see a user-created room entitled "Head Injury Theater", I'll be there. If it goes well (at least one person shows up), I plan on doing this regularly because Isketch melts my butter, pushes my buttons, or some other expression that means I enjoy it to an almost sexual degree.

Also be warned: My Isketch drawing has been described as "broken." You were warned.

Second thing:

While I was on vacation in Schladming I saw the following beer advertisement:

It's not that weird until you realize it's beer endorsement from a High School Girl's Football team. When you can drink booze when you're 16, I guess stuff like this makes sense. Neat, right?

-jared

What Theme?

If you read the small print this week, I sort of said that this month's Strange Art theme would be my "accidental paintings." As neat an idea as that might be, I just finished a painting that brings me a lot of joy and I'm not waiting a month to show it. As such, I'm sharing it here (despite lacking a good picture of it)...right now.

(I'm showing both pictures of it because both have something the other doesn't)

I really need to get more canvas work done.

Oh and I just sat through the first 7 Friday the 13th movies. There's a reason for that, but with the holiday coming up...I think it's pretty obvious what that reason is. While I won't spoil the article, I will share that besides sex and drugs being the fast track to getting murdered, there is something else just as bad. If you have to go to the bathroom to poop you're as good as dead. More on that later, but just in case you're trapped in a deserted summer camp before Wednesday remember: Survivors don't poop. Ever.

-jared

Pictionary: The Addiction

Ok, so it's not pictionary, but a friend recently introduced me to what I've come to known as Artistic Crack. I can't stop playing it and even worse: It's actually helping me get better at using my Wacom tablet. Whenever you're learning to do something, I suggest going someplace where, even though you're just a beginner, there are people who do that thing even worse than you. And thus my love of www.isketch.org was born. Isketch is a free internet game that lets you play Pictionary (sort of) with people all over the world. Even better....it's very hard to be a "good" artist when you have 60 seconds to communicate the idea of "light fixtures" without using words. You can even set up private games and I've already enjoyed a few with online friends. If you didn't know this thing was out there and want to see me drawing terrible things as fast as I can (or just love Pictionary but couldn't convince your friends to pull it out of the closet)...now you know and now you can play it whenever you want.

Here's me trying to communicate "Carpenter Ant":

:sigh:

I'd love to get some of you guys (as I'm well aware there are at least two people who read this regularly who draw better than me) in on a game. So if anyone wants to suggest a specific time....I'm so very very there. Did I mention that this is really addictive? You were warned.

-jared

Spongebob Squarepants Rides the Hasselhoff...

I confess I watch a lot of movies. I'll watch anything. You can sometimes see that on the site....but I think it's implied at best. What you don't see are me writing 10,000 word articles on weird Japanese new releases (which are better than what Hollywood's churning out these days), children's movies, old television shows, and whatever else I can get my entertainment hungry hands on. Every time I go to the video store (which is daily I have to confess) I ask them to surprise me. They're friends now and don't charge me (thankfully) but sometimes it's fun to throw myself at their mercy. What they give me is always different: Chinese horror movies, Swedish Porn, or just some Hollywood movie they're know I'd hate. Last night they gave me: The Spongebob Squarepants Movie.
Now I'll admit there's no way I could review this thing...it just doesn't stick to my brain like that. However there is one moment that needs to be pointed out to everyone who hasn't and (for good reason) doesn't plan on seeing it. What part of the film am I talking about?
Take a gander at exhibits A through D:

I'm talking about the part of the film where David Hasselhoff shows up and saves the day by getting Spongebob Squarepants to ride him. I'm not sure what else to say, but I will say that when I saw that my brain shut down. That tends to happen a lot....but Hasselhoff-induced blackouts strike me particularly as creatures of note.

-jared

UPDATE: I, for some unknown reason, watched the "making of" special on the Spongebob DVD. I've learned that a 13-foot tall replica of David Hasselhoff may well be the scariest thing I've seen in a while:

Total Nightmare Fuel.

Happy Anniversary! (or two)

Well, HeadInjuryTheater.com is a year old this week. The site's actually TWO years old, but since it was hosted for free on Angelfire for the first year we don't want to count that. So the Art portion of the site is celebrating it's first year on the web, while the movie review section is celebrating it's second year. Got it? Anyway I'm trying to sort out what I want to do since this is slowly but surely turning into a job (which is retardly awesome you crazy supportive people). I'm thinking of doing an Art Crash to beat all Art Crashes, but more details on that later. I will say this though:

Thank you everyone who's been supportive. Supportive includes just checking this site out once every three months. I wish I could say I knew each and everyone on of you....but I lost track around visitor #303,343. Sorry Steve.

Oh and just so this post isn't just me congratulating myself like an egotistical madman who, like a lot of people. was able to keep an update schedule for a year, enjoy yet another headline screw up on AOL:

I swear to God, if AOL knew their headlines did this from time to time I think they'd start changing the order. Still, it does make you wonder if that poor woman shouldn't have worn a different dress. Poor Gal.

-jared

Happy New Year?

I don't usually do resolutions for New Year's, but this year is the different.

I resolve to never get sick on New Year's Eve again.

On the plus side, I did get to stay home and paint. That's not as depressing as you'd think. I swear.

-jared